Marrying MsAdventures

Holding my breath

2011-12-01T14:04:00.001-05:00

Sometimes when I'm anxious or nervously awaiting something, I breathe shallowly. I wonder why my heart is pounding and why my fingers start to go cold, then focus on the task at hand.

Once that thing is over or at least confidently underway, I find myself gasping for air, like someone who has been underwater too long. It's a relief to draw the great big breaths I had been denying myself for those long minutes/hours.

I'm in the shallow/lite breathing phase of stuff right now.

It's been one week: 5 lessons for the newly (or soon-to-be) engaged

2011-10-18T13:16:00.000-05:00

Missing Key West already!

We got our marriage license in the mail yesterday, all officially stamped and everything. And I've also started the name-change process (and likely using MissNowMrs.com).

It's been a busy week of marriage for us. We bought a washer and dryer (thank you Lowes price matching!), started California king bed shopping, and are squirreling money away (while picking a new bank) from our wedding gifts so that we can someday get a house.

In light of everything I learned during the wedding process and this week, I'd like to share some insights for those of you out there who are not yet married or are newly engaged. Not brain surgery, but hopefully still helpful.

Let your partner help, even if it's something small. Pat did some stamping on our DIY save-the-dates, a few thank you notes after the showers, organized a couple of our vendors (chairs for the ceremony and transportation), and licked the envelopes for our invitations.

Might not seem like a lot, but it was a huge help. For every small task I delegated to him, he kept me sane in a big way with laughter, jokes, and listening skills. Seriously, even if he or she is clueless about that kind of stuff, let him/her help with something.
When people tell you your wedding day is going to be a blur, you laugh it off...until you struggle to remember the next morning what you ate during the wedding dinner. Get a good photographer, or if you prefer, a good videographer (or both!).

They help you remember or learn the moments you might have otherwise missed (while you're doing the meet n'greet, kissing babies, shaking hands, etc... You get to see the wedding from a guest's perspective too, which is also kind of nice.
It's a big build up that ends somewhat anticlimactically. For all the effort and time you put it (planning, dress shopping, weeping), it's really just a day-long party with friends and family. The next day, the world returns to normal and the person who was your boy/girlfriend is now your husband/wife with new jewelry.
"Husband" "wife" are words that take some getting used to. You still love your partner in the same old, lasting, exciting way, but they (and you) have a shiny new title. It'll be a while before it rolls of your tongue.
TAKE YOUR HONEYMOON RIGHT AFTER THE WEDDING. I'm shouting this because it's essential. I wish we had done it.

Why so caps-lock necessary? Because you will be exhausted. Like bone-achingly, voice-gone, muscles-in-puddles tired. Between balancing the two families, your friends, and all those people in between for a whole weekend, you will need some down-time for just the two of you. Trust.

I may add some new tips as I think of them. I had a few others, but thanks to brain overload, they went the way of the dodo. Sigh.

I guess that's a tip in an of itself, write things down because your head will be so full it will literally stop taking on additional information. For everything you learn, you forget something else. I'll be happy when that phase passes....

Exhausted, elated

2011-10-12T09:18:00.000-05:00

As expected (by me, anyway), I'm not all that awesome at the blogging every day thing. Ah well. Changing the parameters of this project a bit to both ease pressure and make it more realistic.

We're back in NC, exhausted, elated, and totally confused about what all happened this weekend. Not confused really, but man, what a blur!

So amazing to see all our friends and family in one place. It really meant a lot to us to have everyone there, and it was wonderful to party all together.

The travel home went smoothly, but with a short delay, we arrived home at midnight and made it to bed by 1 am. Poor Pat has to get up at around 5:30, so I'm sure he is struggling today even more than I am.

My amazing photographer, Hilton Pittman Photography, posted a teaser photo on their blog from our wedding. Check it out if you're into that sort of thing :)

I'll post more thoughts about the weekend later. Now, it's back to work and recovering.

Sample wedding ceremony

2011-10-10T21:04:00.000-05:00

I'm married!

It was a beautiful in Key West yesterday, and at roughly 6:30 pm, Pat and I were named husband and wife by my officiant aunt.

The day was all we could have wished for and more, and from everything we heard, our friends and family had a great time too.

Below, I've decided to post our wedding ceremony (minus our vows and names of friends and family members who did the readings and such).

I thought it only fair since I cobbled the ceremony together from other examples on the Internet, with some creative liberties taken here and there.

We're headed back in NC (read: real life) tomorrow evening. It's certainly been a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

Our wedding ceremony

Please beseated. Welcome to all who traveled from near and far to witness andparticipate in this wonderful day.

We have been invited here to witness the marriage of Coreyand Pat. They met one fateful afternoon in 2005 at the Shanty on the Shore inBurlington, Vermont over coleslaw. After a short summer together, they partedfor 2 and a half years until Pat wisely decided to move down to Boston to makesure Corey didn’t get away a moment longer.

Theirs is a pairing that all of us could tell at the outsetmade sense. Like two puzzle pieces, Corey and Pat were made to be together:soul mates, best friends, and today, husband and wife.

You have come here to share in thisformal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support tothis union, and to allow Corey and Pat to start their married life togethersurrounded by the people dearest and most important to them.

Reading 1

A poem by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Reading 2

Love by Roy Croft

I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am when I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what you have made of yourself,

But for what you are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me that you bring out;

I love you

For putting your hand into my heaped-up heart

And passing over all the foolish, weak things

That you can't help Spider's Web Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no one else had looked quite far enough to find

I love you

Because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern but a temple.

Out of the works of my every day

Not a reproach but a song.

I love you

Because you have done more than any creed could have done

To make me good.

And more than any fate ould have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Vows

Corey andPat have written their own vows and I ask them to share those with you now.

(tothe couple) Remember, no other ties are moretender, no other vows more sacred than those you now assume. If you are able tokeep the vows you take here today, not because of any religious or civic law,but out of a desire to love and be loved by another person fully, withoutlimitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish will be aplace in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom,and your responsibility.

Please now say the vows you have written for each other.

(haven't decided to share these yet...)

Exchange of Rings

We askthat you who are present here today, surround this couple in love and supportthem in their relationship. At times of joy, celebrate with them, nourishingtheir love for one another, and at times of conflict, offer them the strengthof your wisest counsel and the comfort of your thoughtful concern.

The couple will now exchange wedding rings. These rings mark the beginning of along journey filled with wonder, surprises, laughter, tears, celebration,grief, and most of all, joy. May these rings glow in reflection of the warmthand love that flows through the wearers today.

Pat, as you place this ring on Corey’s finger, repeat afterme: I give this ring…. as my gift to you…. Wear it and think ofme…. and know that I love you… and will be faithful to you always.

Corey, as you place this ring on Pat’s finger, repeat after me: I give thisring…. as my gift to you…. Wear it and think of me…. and know that I love you…and will be faithful to you always.

As our couple takes a quiet moment to enjoy the commitment they have just madeto each other, we’ll have a reading.

Reading 3

True Love Leaves No Traces by Leonard Cohen

As the mist leaves no scar

On the dark green hill

So my body leaves no scar

On you and never will

Through windows in the dark

The children come, the childrengo

Like arrows with no targets

Like shackles made of snow

True love leaves no traces

If you and I are one

It's lost in our embraces

Like stars against the sun

As a falling leaf may rest

A moment on the air

So your head upon my breast

So my hand upon your hair

And many nights endure

Without a moon or star

So we will endure

When one is gone and far

True love leaves no traces

If you and I are one

It's lost in our embraces

Like stars against the sun

Pronouncement

Pat andCorey, you have come here today before us and expressed your desire to becomehusband and wife. You have shown your commitment by joining hands and makingvows of love and faithfulness, each to the other, and have sealed thesepromises by the giving and receiving of the rings.

Therefore, it is my privilege, by the authority granted tome by the state of Florida, to now pronounce you husband and wife.

Pat, you may kiss your bride!

Those first few precious weeks

2011-08-29T11:59:00.001-05:00

My cousin started her first year at college a couple weekends ago. Ecstatic to get out of her parents' house, she ran as quickly as she could into her dorm room (a 6 person suite, I think, with 2-to-a-room, much like I had my senior year) only about 25 miles from the homestead.

Her first weeks have been full of ups and downs. Up because the cafeteria had cinnamon rolls or because she was rocking out with her direct roommate. Down because the 4 other girls in her room don't live up to her strict, straight-edge standards of behavior and make fun of her when she's playing her guitar (when one of them punches a hole in the wall and then denies it, let's talk...).

The reason I know so much about her actions and thoughts during these formative days is Twitter. She's pretty active on there, has been for some time and with little or no censor. The girl's got something to say or share, and she's doing it without hesitation, much like many of her peers.

I admire this about her, but she takes to it most often at her angriest moments. I'm left then with an incomplete picture of a her (a permanent one--the picture, not my impression I mean--thanks to the nature of the Internet).

I guess that's the pitfall of most social media, even blogging. Although I deleted my Myspace profile (and the painfully awkward blog posts I used to put up there), it could probably be fished out of the ether by a skilled searcher. That's one angst-filled picture I'd be happy to leave behind. And this blog has seen more than a few tear-filled screes.

Or there are simply glaring omissions, tales I've chosen not to tell to protect the people involved or myself. Not sure I want the whole picture to be out there yet, but if I'm going to live up to the task I've set for myself (blogging every day for the first year of marriage...feel free to take bets on how long this lasts--the blogging, not the marriage I mean), I'd better adjust my attitude.

You can't tell a story without honesty.

So here's a quick catch up on my first few weeks in North Carolina. The move was a seriously long experience, spanning from about 2 am until we finally collapsed in bed at 8:30 or so. 14 hours on the road, two mewling cats, too much caffeine, and a lot of sweat. But we made it safely and everything went smoothly, so there's that.

Over that weekend while Pat was bachelor-partying it up, I unpacked every box. Although I couldn't get everything put away, it was still nice to get the cardboard out of sight. That week saw my and Pat's first week of work. It was an exhausting and exhilarating week.

Work continues to be an awesome challenge (just got back from a meeting now, and the huge quicksand pile of problems that I need to sort through is both interesting and totally overwhelming). I'm working harder than I ever have in my entire life, but it's all stuff I want to do--a huge change over every other job I've had.

We still have a bunch of the small-detail wedding stuff to do, which stresses me out, but ultimately is not a game-changer if it doesn't get done. As long as I pay our vendors, the day will go as planned... note to self, do that tonight.

I'm scared, stressed, happy, nervous, crazy, and content. All at once, and all over the map in these first few precious weeks. Good times, great learning experience.

Meet Caesar the cat

2011-07-26T12:26:00.001-05:00

An omage to Icanhazcheezburger (which is hilarious and contains a number of sister sites I also enjoy).

I can haz belly rubz?

Moving, car time, new job

2011-07-20T22:24:00.001-05:00

About a third of the way through the busy month of moving stuff, wedding stuff, and new job stuff.

This past weekend, Pat and I drove down to North Carolina (stopping in Richmond for the first night) to hunt for a place to live. After viewing roughly 10 places over 3 days (one even included dead cockroaches!), we found a great, clean, remodeled, 2-bed duplex home to rent in the artsy town of Carrboro. I'll only have a 15 minute drive to work, and it is within walking distance of a lot of neat stuff. Includes 2 parking spaces and tons of storage space.

And as an added plus, we'll be paying almost half of what we currently pay for our 1-bed apartment in Somerville. Love it.

While we were down there, I went into my new office for a couple of hours to say hi and have a couple of meetings. When I think of everything I have to get done and what they expect of me, I want to puke and scream at the same time. It's awesome and scary.

Since getting back to town (after stopping in Baltimore for a night), I've been working for my new company remotely, doing a ton of research and tomorrow is basically all phone calls. While it's nice to be at home with Pat and get work done, I'll be glad to start going into the office in mid-August. It makes it more real somehow when you're made to go in and chill in a cube for 8+ hours a day.

The happiest bit of news from the weekend was that Pat was offered the teaching job he was interviewing for. We're still waiting for the paperwork from the school system, but it should pretty much be a done deal. He's really stoked to be getting back into the classroom, albeit a middle school one (his students will be 8th graders, social studies), and is already planning on coaching lacrosse at the high school across the street.

Very thankful for the good luck that came our way.

This weekend is my first bridal shower, hosted by my matron-of-honor sister-in-law and my wonderful aunt (who will be our wedding officiant). We're driving back down to Baltimore Friday evening, picking up my friend Lori on the way. She and I, and my friend Steph (aka ninja bridesmaid) went to UVM together for grad school. This will be the first weekend we've all hung out since the summer after we graduated! So nuts, so excited.

And I get to see my niece, who is the most awesome little girl on the planet, for reals. She has 2 teeth now; crawls around like a speeding race car; and happily chatters away in nonsense, French, and a few English words. We get to celebrate her first birthday while we're down there, which is really rad.

Happy times right now, busy, but definitely good!

Two me's if you please

2011-07-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

I think everyone feels a little schizophrenic sometimes. You get pulled in different directions by your head or your heart (or...something else). You have a ton of things on your mind and none of it stays quiet when you try to focus.

Then there are the different personas. The work-me vs. the home-me, the with-my-best-girlfriends-me and the with-my-future-hubby-me (maybe someday the mom-me vs the we-have-a-babysitter-me).

Not a ton different maybe, but still seeming like separate entities.

For example, in a stressful crisis at work, I remain calm, focused, assertive, serious, quick-thinking, team-playing (or burden-bearing, depending), and get the job done/put out the fire with little complaint and a big sigh of relief. I do this because I have to, because that's what being a professional means and what the job sometimes entails.

At home however, I'm frantic, obsessively focused, second-guessing, emotional, and bitchy, but get the job done. Not very helpful, not very attractive, not very nice at all. I react this way because somehow I feel less empowered/confident at home and my emotions make the decisions instead of my brain.

This isn't all the time of course, but more often than I really want it to. In the face of this move and all the mania that goes with it, I'm going to try to bring the work-me home a bit more. It'll help me be more productive and ultimately, happier.

If Pat read this blog, he'd probably be nodding encouragingly and comically wiping his brow in relief. I've been a bit...snappy...lately. That he still loves me, says he hasn't noticed, and will hug me after is a huge testament to the wonderful kind of man he is.

Aw, I totally love him :)

5 completely unacceptable household uses for babies

2011-07-06T11:47:00.000-05:00

So hilarious, it made me cry a little.

five completely unacceptable household uses for babies

Relo

2011-06-27T09:35:00.000-05:00

After about an 8-month (!) job search, I found the perfect position for me at a market research firm in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

I start in-office on August 15, but will be contracting for them remotely starting mid-July while Pat and I pack up and attend some fabulous wedding showers and my bachelorette.

Although at times I can be found trembling with stress and drinking heavily, I'm feeling pretty good about all the upcoming change. Yes, I can:

Complete my tenure at my old job
Work 40 hours/week remotely for 1 month
Pack up the old apartment
Find a new apartment
Move to a new state
Start a new job
Learn a new industry
Continue planning our wedding
Get married in October

No big deal, right?

eep.

To skinny jeans or not to skinny jeans?

2011-06-21T10:57:00.003-05:00

Oh Conan, you are so funny in your jeggings/skinny jeans. How I fear I will look like you.

Okay ladies, need your help on this one.

For a long time, I had sworn off skinny jeans because each pair I tried made my arse look like the Goodyear blimp (as an hourglass/pear shape).

But then I saw one of my colleagues, who is well into her 40s and not a small lady, rocking a pair of black skinny jeans and looking fabulous.

So what's the secret? Are there particular brands that are better than others? Certain outfit rules to follow? Is there a way to snag a pair and not pay through the teeth?

Any help would be much appreciated!

Literary icon = total schmuck?

2011-06-07T13:16:00.001-05:00

I know that authors paint the ideal portraits of themselves in their works.

In real life, Hemingway was a misogynist who liked cats, hunting, alcohol, and bull fighting.

Salinger was a cracked-out shut-in. Fitzgerald was a lush and a nut.

All faves, but I probably wouldn't have agreed with them in real life. Yet, their intoxicating stories shaped the person I am today: my tastes, my creative inclinations, even my sense of humor.

I fell in love with each and every one of them through the pages and ended up thinking of those authors fondly as old and eccentric friends.

Imagine my horror then, to find that one of my all-time favorite stories, Matilda, was authored by an anti-Semitic prig.

Yep, Roald Dahl, it turns out, was a complete douche bag. Nothing redemable about him or his life. And most of his beloved stories were rewritten and heavily shaped by his editors.

So basically anything I might have liked about him on the page was created by someone else.

I hate it when I see the man behind the curtain. Especially when that man was so unforgivably and unrepentantly a racist dickhead.

Why are all these literary icons total schmucks? Do all authors lead secret lives, like super villains or politicians?

Is their only redemption their art? Does that balance out their bad karma?

I don't know, but I'm really disappointed.

That's funny, my eyes don't look green

2011-05-27T10:03:00.001-05:00

Confession: I struggle with jealousy, causing more than 1 stupid fight between myself and whatever significant other I was with at the time.

Not to say I haven't been cheated on, because I have and a certain amount of jealousy in those cases are really instincts telling you something is not right. But when you keep yourself awake night after night wondering if your very faithful man's new colleague is occupying his time after work, then you know you have a problem.

I thought that once I was engaged, with ring securely on my finger, all the silly worries I had would go away. Sadly, it has not proven true.

Actually, I have nightmares about Pat cheating on me. Had one last night in fact. In some, he's brazen and callous about his indiscretions, in others like the one I had last night, he's remorseful but distracted, and in still others, he's completely innocent but I'm screaming at him anyways. Forgiving and forgetting, in my dreams anyway, isn't my strong suit.

What's obvious to me, when I get a grip and a more objective point-of-view, is that cheating on me is the very last thing Pat would ever do to me. He loves me, he wants to marry me, and is quite content at the idea that I'm the last woman he'll ever sleep with.

Yes, I do know how lucky that makes me. Pat has sort of had it with my silly fits, and I can't blame him. It's like I'm questioning his integrity and his love for me. That's not fair, nor is it particularly attractive.

After a lot of thinking, I realized the source of my obsessive discontent lay in my lack of self-confidence. Jealousy seemed to be a manifestation of my doubt that I deserved such a great love, or really any love at all. A fundamental lack of respect and love for myself bred this green-eyed monster.

Although this is probably evident to anyone with a psychology degree (or anyone who took psych 101 in college), it was a real "ah ha!" moment for me.

There's no quick fix for excavating this gnarly root, but I have made a lot of progress against letting jealousy win. First, I've redirected my thoughts. By this I mean, whenever I start to fuss about some other woman entering the picture, I instead remind myself of the wonderful stuff that Pat has done for me (and there's a lot!) or just starting thinking about something else that makes me happy.

I use this technique at other times too like when I'm trying to get out of a bad mood, can't sleep at night, or having a bad day.

Second, just writing it all out helps too, in a weird way. Jealousy seems so stupid when you type it out.

And lastly, I've been working on the self-confidence thing. Mostly by appreciating my limits and learning to live more in the moment. This doesn't always work, especially when wedding planning stresses me out or something in my job falls through, but even small improvements make a big impact I think.

I like the woman I am today. I love the man I'm with and couldn't imagine a better future for myself than one with him. I can't wait to go camping with him in the Berkshires this weekend. All good stuff.

Life is too short to be grumpy or in the grips of obsessive negative thinking. For reals.

Hope everyone has a great long weekend and that you're thoughts stay positive too.

End of the world #fail

2011-05-20T10:46:00.001-05:00

You've probably heard, but a particular sect of Christians expects the world to end tomorrow. Or start ending. Or something along those lines but equally kind of nuts.

Look, silly people, the world is not going to end before I get married. That's just cruel after all the planning I've done. I also haven't gotten to backpack Italy, or go to New Zealand, or move to North Carolina, or surf, or work in a job that's truly fulfilling, or have adorable little Pats, or adopt an awesome dog or 2, or one of the many other big and small goals/dreams I had set for myself.

Not that I've been thinking about that kind of stuff, because the world isn't freaking going to end.

So have some faith, and don't spend all your life savings just yet. I mean, the guy who started this popular rumor hasn't sold his house yet, if that tells you anything. But he has happily taken your money, just saying.

See you Sunday.

30 songs/30 days: the rest

2011-05-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

I. just. can't. take. it. anymore.

Okay, that's a little melodramatic, but I did get kinda bored with this meme. So to wrap it up, here's a quick list of the rest of my picks.

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
Pomplamoose's Little Things

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
As with the fave band, I don't have a fave album, but I do love this song: Howlin' for You by the Black Keys (video for the song turned into an awesome fake movie trailer!).

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
How about Rolling in the Deep by Adele? Feel like you could just yell along with the song if needed.

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
Anything pop.

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
Anything indie, like the Decemberists.

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
Keeping these a secret for a bit.

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
Yikes, morbid. Something by Wilco (Estef, I'll rely on you for that one, is that weird?).

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
How about the 2-note song?

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
Any 3 or 4 note song would work for this one. Guitar/piano, possibly recorder (ha).

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
Pretty much every other song out there.

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
Weird one. Music doesn't usually evoke guilt for me...

day 29 - a song from your childhood
Little Richard's Tutti Fruitti

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year
Probably something Kings of Leon, they're good like that.

30 songs/30 days: Fri-Mon picks

2011-05-16T09:57:00.001-05:00

Blogger was down mid-Thursday and Friday. Glad to see it didn't eat my post. Here are 4 picks to cover the weekend and today.

Day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
Here's a secret: I'm a closet country fan. So I picked Sugarland's It Happens. This band is fun and has some catchy tunes. Would love to see them in concert, but I think Pat would rather have his teeth pulled than come with, ha.

Day 15 - a song that describes you
This is probably one of the hardest picks on this list. There are a lot of songs out there that say how I feel, but ones that capture who I am? Not so much.

For now, I'll pick Adele's One and Only because her newest album is freaking amazing, trust.

Day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
Hate is a strong word, but I'm getting a little sick of anything Lady Gaga. Am I the only one who thinks her newest album/single(s) is not that good? Born this way, really? Snoooooze. Not posting for this one.

Day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
Pretty much every time I turn on the radio to a top-40 station, this song is on. Rihanna's Only girl in the world.

30 songs/30 days: 2 at a time

2011-05-12T09:27:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so about that 30-song meme...

I think I'm going to do them 2 at a time, just for the sake of argument and progress.

Day 12 - a song from a band you hate

Not even going to post the video for this one, because well, I don't care for it.

Rebecca Black's Friday. 'Nuff said.

Not even a cover by the Glee cast could make me like this insipid attempt at song making. But she's laughing her butt off all the way to the bank.

Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA. No excuse really, just kind of like it.

A quick review: Organic toaster pastries

2011-05-11T09:49:00.001-05:00

My friend Sara inspired me to write about toaster pastries this morning because her cute blog always has fun, quick reviews of movies, beauty stuff, clothes, and recipes.

You may be familiar with these tasty treats, which promise whole grain organic goodness and real fruit. It's like the best version of a Poptart, but without the consequences.

Or so I thought...

This morning I finally read the calorie information. It's 210 calories PER PASTRY and naturally they come in the lovely 2-pastry packs.

No wonder I'm not losing any freakin' weight. Argh.

You're probably thinking "well, duh, they are basically Poptarts." And you would be right, congratulations.

Lesson learned on this end. Organic does not equal healthy. Sigh.

To sum it up: although delicious, unless you have enough will power to eat only 1, I say avoid these guys and get some yogurt with fruit instead.

30 songs/30 days: day 11 - a song from your favorite band

2011-05-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

Truth be told, I don't have one favorite band. There are many I grew up on (like the aforementioned Pearl Jam) that I will always love, but I don't listen to them all the time.

I guess I'll pick on from a band that I have really enjoyed over the last 5 years or so.

Vampire Weekend's Giving Up the Gun (extra hotness points for JG!)

I saw them last fall with Pat at the Bank of America pavilion. One of the best and most fun concerts ever. If you haven't seen them live yet, I highly recommend it.

30 songs/30 days: day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

2011-05-09T09:30:00.001-05:00

Probably not a good post for a Monday morning, but here's one that makes me sleepy (seriously yawning so huge right now...).

Suo Gan (Welsh lullaby), tried to find the English version I sang in choir once, but didn't have much luck.

30 songs/30 days: a 3-fer

2011-05-06T13:23:00.000-05:00

Here are my picks for the weekend.

I'll try to be better going forward at explaining them. That might help make it a bit more interesting...

Day 7 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
Our college senior ball: Lil John's Get Low

Raunchy, fun lyrics with a booty-shaking beat. Good song after you've had a couple to drink (which, at college events, is what you did and then some). I wore this epically huge dress in bright pink and purple with sequins (one my some-day kids will howl with laughter at, I'm sure) and went with a good friend. Emotionally weird night (thanks to some ex-boyfriend and friend/date-stealing drama), but all in all a good time.

Day 8 - a song that you know all the words to
My mind immediately went to some solid grrl rock anthems (Kelly Clarkson anyone?), but I decided to go a bit more old school and pick Pearl Jam's Alive.

I've know the lyrics for this song since I was about 11. And I know most if not all of the others in Pearl Jam's early- to late-1990s cannon as well. You'll do that when you mix an epic crush on front-man Eddie Vedder, an influx of hormones, a move to a new state and school, and the best years of MTV.

Day 9 - a song that you can dance to
Going with a song that has been played at every wedding I've attended, and will definitely be played at mine (later into the evening....): Journey's Don't Stop Believing. Who doesn't love this one?

30 songs/30 days: day 6, a song that reminds you of somewhere

2011-05-05T08:53:00.001-05:00

Just realizing this 30-day meme stuff should not be taken lightly. Quite a commitment, but probably good training for blogging every day of my first year of marriage....

Okay, back to it then. This song reminds me of the Canadian/Vermont border, and Burlington, VT generally too.

Rufus Wainwright's Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk.

30 songs/30 days: day 5, a song that reminds you of someone

2011-05-04T10:28:00.000-05:00

This one was easy to choose and makes me think of Pat.

The Band with Emmy-Lou Harris: Evangeline

30 songs/30 days: day 4, a song that makes you sad

2011-05-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

Hate to be a "Debbie Downer" right now, but here's a sad one with a neat video.

Gary Jules' Mad World (made famous by the movie Donnie Darko).

30 songs/30 days: day 3, a song that makes you happy

2011-05-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Yup, I missed Sunday, you'll have that.

Today's pick is Beyonce's Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It). Gets me going and makes me think of my girls from college.

30 days/30 songs: day 2, your least favorite song

2011-04-30T15:42:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of songs out there that I don't care for, but this one has earned a special spot on my enmity list.

Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On.

Seriously, it's like a cat wailing mixed with nails on a breathy chalkboard.

30 days/30 songs: day 1, your favorite song

2011-04-29T14:03:00.000-05:00

My favorite song changes by the year (sometimes by the season) depending on who I am, what I've lived through, and where I'm hoping to go.

But here's one that I have loved for a very long time. Not sure what it is about this version, but I enjoy it.

The original video is porn-style fabulous, so I've picked this other cute Wall-E one instead.

Magnet with Gemma Hayes, covering Bob Dylan's classic Lay, Lady, Lay

"Why wait any longer for the one you love when he's standing in front of you?"

30-day song challenge meme

2011-04-29T13:08:00.000-05:00

I'm not usually one for interweb memes, but when it comes to things like books (e.g. how many on BBC's list have you read?) and music, I don't mind taking a look and doing something quick.

That's why I thought it might be fun to do the 30-day song challenge: 30 days, 30 different songs. Here's the full list I'll follow, day 1 pick to come:

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Leap of faith, moving forward

2011-04-26T10:36:00.001-05:00

For the first time in my life, I'm doing something totally stupid/irresponsible/crazy...and going without solid plans after this summer.

And it feels amazing. And it feels so stressful I can't breathe. And it feels so exciting I can't sit still. And it feels like the best/worst idea I've ever had.

The facts:
Pat and I want to move to North Carolina; but we don't have jobs yet.

And as of Sept. 1, we won't have our lovely apartment in Somerville either. Our lease is officially up by then and the apartment will start to be shown in the next couple of weeks. We are not renewing.

What it means:
Worst case is WE MOVE ANYWAY! taking a leap of faith toward the future, and scramble to find waiting tables/tending bar positions until we find "real" jobs. Totally nuts, yet totally appealing.

Or worst, worst case, there is no change. We will have to scramble to find a new apartment around here last minute, which would mean another expensive, pointless move and another year where Pat won't have a teaching job and will continue to bar-tend, and I'll be stuck in a job I'm not in love with. This is sort of a soul-crushing thought, but as worst, worst case scenarios go, not the end of the world.

Best case is that Pat gets a teaching job down there in the next couple of months and we move. He's already got his NC teacher's license in hand.

Best, best case is that I find a job down there too before we move.

And during this whole potentially tumultuous crazy summer, I'll continue to plan our wedding.

I want to dance, scream, cry, vomit, laugh, and sing all at the same time. Change is one hell of a roller coaster.

Found it

2011-04-20T11:44:00.000-05:00

Found my dress!

Thanks to the help of my family entourage, I secured the perfect wedding dress in Richmond, VA. First fitting will be end of August.

And it's strapless, which is a huge achievement given that my mom pretty much HATES all things strapless. She loved the dress though, so it's all good. It even passed the happy tear test :)

Feeling relief and even more excitement. Once the invitations have been ordered, I'm thinking the rest of the stress will melt away.

Lots of planning around the family re: showers, parties, etc. Excited to be the one who can just show up and enjoy, rather than plan it all. Totally selfish, but there you go. It's going to be a good summer.

Now my challenge will be to do 20 pushups (military/girly style and tricep style) at least every other day, and run 3-4 times a week. If I'm feeling particularly crazy, I'll throw some crunches into that mix as well.

Motivating factors include:

It's almost beach weather
My strapless, fantastic wedding dress
It's almost warm enough to wear tank tops
My other fabulous dresses for wedding events (some to be acquired)
The pictures that will surely be taken in all said dresses
That last 10lbs that I'd still like to lose or convert into muscle
The next 5k I'm going to sign up for

The post-dress acquisition happiness is getting me through this dreary week. Also, a huge caffeine dependency. That helps a lot too.

Wedding dress shopping

2011-04-14T20:35:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I head to Richmond, VA, for the time-honored tradition of wedding dress shopping with the mom.

Also present will be my wonderful sis-in-law, grandma, and aunt.

Hoping to find THE dress. And actually enjoy doing so. A bit of a tall order, but hey, I like 'em tall :)

While home I also get quality time with my little niece/goddaughter, brother, and dad. Good stuff.

Off to pack. Happy weekend.

Dukan diet day 5: straw meets camel's back

2011-04-10T13:08:00.000-05:00

Weighed myself this morning and....

Somehow I've gained those pounds that I lost again.

I followed this damn diet to the letter, and needless to say found myself more than a little frustrated.

In light of this development, I've come to 2 conclusions: 1) this diet probably works for those who want to lose 20+ pounds, but not for people working on the last 10; 2) I think I'll be more successful with the help of a nutritionist and steady exercise. So that's what I'm going to do.

Please excuse me, I'm off for ice cream :) Au revoir Dukan diet.

Dukan diet day 3, eating crow

2011-04-08T08:40:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post to celebrate.

Not only did I lose the pounds I had mysteriously gained yesterday, I lost 5 lbs as of this morning! It was the boost/tangible result I needed to keep going with the Dukan program.

Today is the last day for me in the Attack phase, next in the Cruise phase I get to alternate these pure protein days with proteins and vegetable days until I lose that last 5 lbs. Here's hoping it's a quick one.

The next phase, Consolidation, allows me to eat a lot more foods (including cheese, fruits, carbs!) with moderation and have 2 celebration (anything goes) meals, as long as there is 1 pure protein day a week, 2 T oat bran a day, 1.5 lt of water. That one will last 50 days (5 days for every pound lost).

Lastly is the Stabilization phase, where you eat whatever you want (again in moderation) as long as you follow 3 rules: have 1 pure protein day a week, continue to eat oat bran and drink lots of water, and walk and take the stairs as much as possible.

I am getting way ahead of myself by laying it all out, but I was really stoked to see the drop this morning. I'll try to keep it in mind on those days when the scale doesn't budge.

Happy Friday all. Hope your weekend is a fun one.

Dukan diet day 2

2011-04-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

The diet is not going as I had planned, or at least not how the book promised.

First, I seemed to have gained weight! Whether from water or the increase in protein, I don't know. Not ideal by any stretch of the imagination. Book promised weight loss immediately, inviting people to weigh themselves often (throughout the day even) to marvel at the weight loss. Not. happening. not. happy.

Second, I am craving carbs like a mofo. Pasta, cheese, tomato sauce. At this point I'd sell my pinky toe for a plate of chicken parm and penne. ("You want a toe? I can get you a toe.") Book was silent on the issue of cravings.

Third, I am HUNGRY. Ever since around dinner-time last night, I have been hungry all. the. time. No matter how many hard boiled eggs or pieces of lean lunch meat I consume.

Book suggests it's okay for you eat a ton, whatever you want within the list of 72 approved foods (including diet sodas that have only 1 calorie per 8 oz), but there's only so much lean meat and eggs I can take in a day. And it says that protein naturally makes you feel full all the time, as well as that by drinking the prescribed 1.5 liters of water/beverages a day you should have no room left in your tummy for hunger. LIES.

I drank enough water to launch a boat yesterday and a bottle of diet Dr. Pepper, but it had little impact when I got home for dinner.

Also, plain Greek yogurt is gross. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It needs lots of love before it isn't just a sour, creamy punch in the face.

Maybe this post is just a result of the slight crankiness that can sometimes happen on this diet. Or maybe the diet sucks, I don't know.

What I do know is that if I haven't seen evidence of weight loss by end of day tomorrow, I'm chucking Dr. Dukan's diet out the window and crushing some chicken parm.

So. there.

Coming back, starting up

2011-04-06T11:44:00.000-05:00

I found I missed my blog. In small ways at first: things that didn't fit my Twitter account (whatccthinks), things I observed and internalized, new events that I want to talk about or describe in order to remember them.

So here I am, trying this endeavor again after nearly a year-long hiatus from regular blogging. New blog name and design, but same link.

What's more, I've set a seriously ambitious goal. Once married on October 9, 2011, I plan on blogging every single day of our first year as newlyweds. Yep, those first 365 bliss-filled days will be documented for the benefit of posterity--and probably my sanity. I can't guarantee Pulitzer Prize winning posts for all of them, but it should prove an interesting experiment in content development at the very least.

In the meantime, I'm going to write as much as I can/feel inclined to do, per the usual. There's a lot of wedding planning going on, as you can probably imagine. Although I'm sort of burned out on it and so might save that for another post down the line.

For this inaugural post, I wanted to write about the new diet I'm starting: the Dukan Diet (see Amazon widget for book link). It's premise is that a low-fat, protein-rich diet is the way to go for healthier living and a skinnier body. It entails 4 steps, the first is a pure protein diet for a set amount of days, then the successive phases allow gradually greater freedom in terms of food choice.

Nothing crazy or radical about it, just common sense and a test of will power that promises to garner serious results. And my fiance, Pat (formerly known as Tex for all your old school readers of mine), is undertaking this adventure with me too. What a guy.

My goal is a realistic and modest one: to lose 10 pounds and to keep it off for the wedding. The rest of the toning and tightening I will leave to my exercise regimen. Overall, I'm feeling pretty confident about it. Long ago I gave up the idea that I will once again be as skinny as I was in college. But if I'm 10 lbs less, I'll be feeling pretty good, and well, pretty.

This diet (which suggests that a large part of the weight loss happens within the first two steps or first month) is particularly well timed, since I am headed to Richmond, VA next weekend to do some dress shopping with mom, grandma, sister-in-law (matron of honor), and aunt. For that, any boost of confidence will do.

Here's hoping and happy eating. Went on a trip to CVS this afternoon and nearly ripped all the candy off the shelf and stuck it in my mouth. (YIKES). But this little piggy needs to learn new habits and make changes.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. And thanks for welcoming me back.

Getting a Mirena IUD

2010-10-15T09:05:00.003-05:00

Writing this post mostly for myself and for anyone out there Googling the best birth control methods.

First, let me provide some background. I started on Ortho-Tricyclen at age of 19 and used it for most of college with little side effects. My period got easier to deal with and my boobs got bigger, all pluses. It also helped my acne and I didn't gain any random weight.

When it came out, I switched to Ortho-Tricyclen Lo in an effort to reduce the amount of hormones I was ingesting. I was on this for at least 3 years, during which time my boobs got bigger still, I gained some weight, and my mood was pretty much out of my control. Whatever was in this pill and my own chemical makeup did not get along well and it was probably 3 of the hardest years of my life. I was frequently struggling with depression despite the support I received from family and friends.

After poking around on the web and seeing the commercials, I decided to switch to Yaz, hoping it would level me out and still provide effective birth control. It did help a lot, and I took it for 3 years. Towards the end and what caused me to switch to Mirena was that Yaz was giving me horrendous migraines just before and after my period. My NP told me this was due to the dip in estrogen levels in my blood stream and often happened to women who had taken Yaz for a while.

Tired of taking a daily pill and heading to the pharmacy each month, I decided to try a Mirena IUD. I didn't want a massive dose of hormones that came with the injection, didn't like the idea of implanting something under my skin like Depo, and didn't want to wear a weekly patch on my sensative skin.

I chose the Mirena over the copper IUD because the former lessens periods whereas the copper could cause worse ones. I was also told that almost no one uses the copper anymore and that it was becoming a bit of a relic.

I had to wait nearly 3 months for my doctor's office to order a Mirena, during which time I was not using any other birth control but condoms. I also had to meet with a family planning specialist to sign consent forms and hear all the risks and benefits. Meanwhile, I did some searching and found that the IUD was one of the most popular forms of birth control in Europe. I also read that it might pinch a bit while being put in, but wouldn't be bad.

Figuring that millions of women couldn't be too far off track, I took my Advil like the planner had recommended, and went in to get the Mirena implanted. At first it proceeded like a thorough pap examine. And then she took out this long metal rod that was supposed to measure the depth of my uterus. Gritting my teeth and covering my eyes, the physician tried to work the rod through my cervix but kept hitting a wall. My uterus effectively said no way. Meanwhile, I was in pain. It was like really bad and stabbing cramps in the center of my being. This was no freaking pinch.

The doctor removed the rod and we agreed that I would have to come back when I had my period. This way, my uterus, opening to empty out the blood and tissue, would be more accommodating for the rod and the Mirena. With an embarrassed sigh but no small relief, I got dressed and made another appointment.

A week later, I went back feeling brave and ready to face the pain. Instead of Advil, I tried to step it up with 50 mgs of Tramadol. The appointment proceeded as before, but this time the metal rod went in to my uterus. As this happened, an electric bolt of pain shot out from my center and up and down my spine. It was so severe, I dropped several f-bombs and tears came to my eyes. My body felt as if it was wrenching open to get the tiny piece of plastic inside my womb. The pain killer made no dent in the throbbing sensation, I was screwed.

After she measured, she tried the Mirena, but it wouldn't go in. So she did the rod again and then the Mirena. This switching back and forth seemed to go on for eternity. Once I even gave a small scream of pain, which caused the Mirena to come out just as it went in again. Although I was sobbing at this point, we agreed to give it one last go. With shaking, clenched hands, I again covered my face and the doctor again went into the fray. Another huge stab of pain, and it was in.

She snipped the thread, cleaned me up, and mercifully, pulled out all the instruments. My uterus was cramping, trying to expel the foreign object, and the doctor said this was likely to continue through the week. If it got worse or I couldn't take it, I would have to go in again and get the Mirena taken out. After all the pain I experienced getting the damn thing in, a few cramps didn't seem so bad. So I nodded, and lay there for about 5 minutes collecting my thoughts and my dignity.

That night, I was able to walk around and go out to dinner, but still felt crampy and was bleeding a bit (in addition to my period). A glass of wine and a good sleep later, I am feeling better with some cramps but overall normal.

I got a lot of information before the Mirena, side effects, risks, time lines, etc. But what I didn't get was a realistic picture of how much it would freaking hurt to get it put in. If I had even an inkling of the kind of pain it was likely to entail, I would probably have chosen migraines all over again. Yes, that bad. And I've had several piercings and tattoos, but this pain didn't even come close. It was so intimate and so central, it was unlike anything I had ever been through.

But now on my second day, I'm stoked to not have to think or worry about if I've taken a pill, if we have condoms, if I am going to get pregnant, etc. I have built in protection that—although it's currently giving me small cramps—will be effective for up to 5 years. It will also eventually reduce my periods to almost nothing. Additionally, it has the smallest amount of hormone possible that centers only in my womb, not my blood stream. So I don't have to worry about it impacting my mood, my weight, or my boobs.

I wanted to share my story because if you are thinking of getting the Mirena you'll know it'll hurt like a mofo. There was a time in that room I would have paid to stop the (what felt like) torture and curled up into a little ball.

But it might be worth it, because now I'm good for 5 years. And by that time, I probably will have forgotten how much it hurt and simply be enjoying the nonbaby-making bedtime fun.

So make your own pros and cons list. Do a lot of searching and determine whether you make it through 20 minutes of pain for 5 years benefit.

And obviously, I'm not a doctor, so be sure to talk to one before you make any decisions.

Moved

2010-08-24T13:08:00.001-05:00

As per usual, got restless and moved.

This time to Twitter.

Find/follow me @whatCCthinks.

Newness

2010-05-20T13:08:00.004-05:00

New iteration of this blog is coming soon, probably on another platform.

Trying to explore what I actually want to write, and after 2-plus years on here, I'm not 100% sure if the topic of focus should be myself anymore.

Looking for something/a blog host that can catch everything in a neat way.

Stay tuned.

Hello there Robin

2010-04-09T09:02:00.002-05:00

I have this weird thing every spring where until I see a robin, I don't quite believe it's spring.

This year it took until yesterday to spot one.

So happy spring ya'll.

No real point to this post, just wanted to share :)

Year 2 complete, and...now what?

2010-03-18T08:33:00.002-05:00

My cousin writes a great blog about being a young professional in the student affairs office of a university. Her most recent post, titled "The One Year Itch," speaks to a sense of restlessness that sometimes descends after 1 year on the job.

I was laughing to myself as I read it because that's the exact thing I have been struggling with these past few weeks as I hit year mark 2. It's been an incredible, fun challenge while my boss is out on maternity leave, but she comes back in 2 weeks. What happens then? Will it go back to the same frustrating lack-of-enough-work situation that it was before she left? Can I ask for more responsibility now that they know I can take it?

Do I even want to do this job for another year? Would it be worth it to switch jobs when I know we're moving to NC in the summer of 2011? Probably not, so there's not much choice in the matter.

If this is the case, I need to change my attitude and the way I approach my current duties. I also need to become more bold in taking on projects. And there's the matter of letting go of the frustration of the recent weeks due to lack of good communication among team members.

In other words, I need to do as my cousin advises:

"I need to constantly be thinking of ways to improve myself and the work I put forth. I need to just focus on being happy where I am and not stress out just because I'm used to a yearly rotation of interviews, acceptances, and hearty welcomes and high expectations. I will rejoice in opportunities to show my stuff in new forums, whether that's a professional organization or a new office initiative. I will not settle for the way things are, and will continue to mold my circumstance to fit what is best and most exciting for me and those around me. I will be grateful and look forward to the next however many years I'm destined to be employed by this fantastic university. I will put the lotion of humility, courage, and reality on the itch, and as any good mother would instruct me, resist the urge to scratch."

With performance reviews right around the corner, it may be a great opportunity to enact some of my goals and change the job up so that it feels brand new again. And yet, a small voice in my head is singing the old Alice in Wonderland Disney song, "I often give myself very good advice, but I seldom ever follow it."

However, wasn't it Gandhi (or MLK?) who once said/wrote "We have to be the change we want to see in the world"? Thinking on a much smaller scale then, it's sort of a piss or get off the pot/can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen/stop bitching and do something about it situation.

Okay, positive thinking/attitude time. And....GO!

The perfect puppy

2010-03-17T10:37:00.002-05:00

I've been a bit obsessed lately with Caesar Milan, the dog whisperer. Much of it stems from my desire to get a puppy, but also because he's fascinating to watch. Both serious and silly (I cry with laughter every time he imitates the overly excited dog or owner behaviors), his whispering is pretty amazing.

I even picked up his How to Raise the Perfect Puppy (see the amazon widget for more info). It's no surprise to me that having a dog is no small thing. I grew up with them and am aware the responsibility, cost, etc.

But raising a dog the Caesar Milan way? That is freaking hard. You have to be the ultimate trainer and calm in ALL circumstances. I want a really well-trained dog when I finally adopt one, but 100% calm is not exactly my forte.

There's a lot of discussion out there about how he corrects dogs and his style generally, but it's hard to argue with the efficacy. His won't be the only manual I turn to, but it will probably be near the top of the list.

If you want to get a sense of what I'm talking about, the National Geographic Channel streams a few episodes on the Dog Whisperer website.

It's pretty crazy how badly I want a dog. Tex too. He's even suggested we get two right away. But we aren't allowed dogs in our new apartment (details on the upcoming move to follow in the next post), which is probably a good thing. We don't really have the financial resources needed nor do we have the time.

It just gets added to the list of awesome things we can do once we move to NC.

Passionfruit

2010-03-12T09:59:00.003-05:00

I have been TA-ing for an introduction to writing course this semester. It's the second year that I've been with this professor, and as a consequence I've been feeling a lot more comfortable in the role. Each class, the instructor lectures for an hour then half the students go with me to a classroom, the other half with the other TA, and we lead a workshop and teach for an hour.

The sessions are great. My students (who are for the most part all adults, although this year I have two home-schooled 12-year-olds) are a really diverse bunch and all have a serious devotion and passion for writing. It's an essential component or stepping stone to their careers, schooling, or lives. Pretty incredible, and I'm always humbled and energized that I get to be a part of their learning.

One curious fact about teaching: my students often feel compelled to explain themselves/their lives, their lack of homework, or their lack of writing skills. Last night, this proved the case once again. One woman who rides all the way up from Delaware each week for class shared that her husband had just lost his foot to diabetes and that in the same week she found out her sister had died and hadn't been found until 5 days after the fact. What do you say to that? Mostly I think she just wanted someone to listen to her and sympathize, and so I did.

Another gentleman told me after class that he has been battling severe depression and has been unemployed for the last year and a half. He felt really upset at himself for not turning in homework more often (he had only done 2 of the 6 weeks worth of work) and wanted some help getting started again and to gain some perspective on how to get the work done. I suggested setting goals, writing about something he enjoys, and starting as slowly as he needed. Whether this will help or not, again it might have just been a matter of someone else acknowledging that he was there and that what he was going through was legitimate.

What really struck me about this latter conversation was his absolute reverence for writers and editors. He urged me to do more writing, to get back to publishing magazine articles, and even wanted to read some of my old work. He wanted to know what I was passionate about and why I didn't write more. I tried to tell him that because I work with words all day long, I was sick of it by the time it came to do anything creative. He look mystified, but then this analogy came to him:

"Oh," he said, "it's like the contractor who works all day on other people's houses but let's his own fall apart around him. This guy I know was like that, and his wife got so fed up she hired someone else to do the work."

Well, yes, pretty much that's exactly it. But maybe it shouldn't be that way. The fact that I couldn't tell him really what I was passionate about, what I could see devoting my life to, was curious. I know I'm young and that this sort of thing is a huge decision, but even short-term passions are hard to come up with. Travel, family....and....?

Maybe if he keeps his commitment to do homework, I can try to revive my commitment to this blog. Any help (e.g. topics to write about, guest posts, or encouraging words) is welcome. I guess sometimes all we need is a push. We'll see if it's true.

Meeting Biff

2010-01-25T12:52:00.002-05:00

My cousin got married a couple weeks ago. She looked absolutely lovely, and the party was a really great time. Good food, fun music, lots of laughter with various family members--the works.

And because my uncle remained friends with him, I met my mother's exboyfriend: Biff. Yes, really, Biff. I'll never forget the day she mentioned him to me; I think I cried from laughing so hard. Who names their kid Biff, outside of Back to the Future?

Well, anyways, I got another good giggle out of it with my sister-in-law when we met him at the wedding. My brother on the other hand seemed weirded out by it--insisting we were making too big a deal about it, it was 40 years ago, blah blah blah.

He totally missed the point. It's Biff. Mom's exboyfriend who cheated on her until they broke up, has several divorces under his belt (as well as a large tummy), never finished high school, freakin' Biff. Hilarious.

Dad swooped right in and began dating Mom shortly after Biff and she parted ways. My grandfather famously wouldn't allow my dad in the house, and all of her sisters wondered why she would bring home this bespectacled dork when she had been dating Biff (who at the time was Mr. Good-Looking BMOC).

After we had met him and his newest wife, Dad quietly asked me whether or not Mom didn't get the better deal after-all. I agreed with him, of course. Although Biff looked good at the time and is probably a quite pleasant person now, he was never the man that my mom needed or wanted to make a life with. That's why she moved on. And while my dad may have his faults, he was always a better man than Biff.

At weddings (and in particular this one where the couple is a perfect match), it's hard not to think about meant-to-bes.

Finally, at the end of the night, as the DJ began to pack up his stuff, and the crowd generally dispersing, Biff beelined it over to me to say goodbye (my folks had already left). He said how nice it was to meet me, and we did the awkward "I don't really know you, but I guess I should hug you goodbye" thing. It was a bit strange for me, and probably a little bit for him too. It had been years since he'd seen my mother last, and it was the first time he had seen her within the context of our family unit.

Was he sad about what could have been or just happy for her success? Was my mom the one-that-got-away for him?

After 40 years, does that kind of thinking happen? Probably not, but it was a funny and unique situation at a great wedding. And I got to meet the mythical Biff, whose name still makes me giggle. I think I get that sense of humor from my dad.

Mazel tov and shalom to the new couple!

Mamma Mia!

2009-12-21T11:22:00.002-05:00

Sunday was pretty awesome (not IT awesome, but really great).

First we went to a romantic Indian restaurant and had some amazing food.

Then Tex revealed his surprise: tickets to see Mamma Mia!

That kid sat through 2.5 hours of ABBA music just because he knew how much I wanted to see the show.

He really just sweeps me off my feet :)

Secret Sunday!

2009-12-14T11:09:00.002-05:00

Okay, I have a confession to make. I have been a little wedding crazy lately. Looking at dresses online, planning my colors, thinking about location, and yes, even picking a date.

Do I have a ring on my finger yet? Of course not.

But now, there's Secret Sunday. Tex has made plans for us on Sunday and won't tell me what they are. It's a secret.

Naturally, my mind first jumped to what I had been obsessing about all week.

But I think I'm missing the point. He planned an entire day, just for the 2 of us. That takes serious dedication (and stealth). I'm so excited. I have no idea what we're doing and even if we end up just renting a movie at home, I'll be happy because I know he planned it all by himself, with no prompting from me, and just because he wanted to make me feel special.

Damn, he's good.

And yet... I can't help but hope...maybe a little bit... that this Sunday will be IT (despite the fact that he told me IT definitely wouldn't happen until the summer at the earliest).

I love surprises :)

Dumpster diving for food is cool now?

2009-12-02T09:25:00.003-05:00

I'm all for decreasing the amount of food wasted by grocery stores and bakeries. And there are many alternatives, such as donations to local food shelters, composting, and apparently...

Dumpster diving

I admire the point the people are trying to make, but...picking food...out of a DUMPSTER?

The breeding place for rot, rats, and the bubonic plague? (Okay, the last one might be an exaggeration.)

They clearly have a stronger stomach and weaker sense of smell than I will ever have.

Carolina in my mind

2009-11-24T14:42:00.002-05:00

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind
- James Taylor

As the seasons change, my mind keeps turning towards the summer plans: drive the state of North Carolina to find our new settling place.

The more Tex and I talk about this move (approx. 1.5 years from now), the more we get excited. I think the trip will be a good intermediary and a nice dose of reality.

We have a lot of conjectures about what it's like down south. And driving the roads, becoming acquainted with the neighborhoods, and experiencing the culture of a new place will be an eye-opening experience for sure.

I'm hoping to get a good map of the state soon so we can start plotting out the days spent in the various towns. There's a possibility that we'll rent a house on the beach for a week outside of Wilmington, or just jump around a lot. Who knows?

The best part = the possibility.

Human and dog relationships

2009-11-13T14:04:00.002-05:00

Just finished reading an absolutely amazing book:

The Tale of Edgar Sawtelle

It was gripping, lyrical, moving, and one of the better books I have read in a long while. It centers on a boy and his dog, but it goes a really long ways beyond that (so that even if you don't like dogs, it's a worthwhile read).

While investigating the author's website, he suggested reading a Malcom Gladwell article from his book:

What the Dog Saw (links to the article)

Gladwell describes the poetry of movement and presence that is Caesar Milan, the now-famous "dog-whisperer." Like him or hate him, Milan is one effective dude. Gladwell explores why Milan is so talented and connects the dots between words, touch, facial expression, and body posture.

I spent an hour in the book store today, picking up and putting down books, and generally reveling in the lack of human interaction that books afford. Amazingly, I only bought 1 book (although I had at least 2 or 3 others I had impulsively decided were my next reads), but I think I will have to go back and pick up Gladwell's book. If only to have a copy of that essay/article on hand.

Change is good

2009-10-29T10:03:00.002-05:00

A really good piece from the NYTimes Magazine about Barack and Michelle Obama:

The First Couple

It's in the vein of he's a strong man because he has a strong woman behind (and sometimes leading) him. It's great to see a good example of marriage these days when the press seems otherwise obsessed with failure (hello John and Kate, ugh!).

What would you do with a do-over?

2009-10-21T09:32:00.003-05:00

A good friend passed this article along from CNN.com:

5 things I'd do differently as single do-over

It's by a woman who has recently married but reflecting (20-20 hindsight style) on her former life as a single person.

She covers some of the basics like: get out of toxic relationships sooner, cry less, etc... But it got me thinking about my somewhat former life as a singleton and about what I would add to the list:

- Don't beat yourself up for the one-night stands, they are learning experiences. But try not to get so drunk the next time...
- Go out and dance more, have more confidence. You are one damn fine catch.
- Date more, try out men you wouldn't normally pick on first glance.
- Enjoy being alone. You can take yourself to the movies, to dinner, and to wherever just fine.
- Travel more, don't wait for the romantic trip of your dreams (also in the author's list).

But again, hindsight is always 20-20 and nostalgia adds a distinctly rosy tinge to most any situation. I hope though, should I become single again, that I will take this advice to heart. Who knows? The future is a lot harder to see.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly - Mae West

2009-10-19T12:47:00.002-05:00

Caught this article from huffingtonpost.com (random, I know):

In Praise of Slow Sex

First reaction/thoughts through my mind: next weekend Tex and I have no real plans other than video games, a vet appointment for the kitten, and watching movies. Why not also stay in bed for more intimate reasons?

In other words, I was sold on the idea but it's the follow-through on these types of things that really counts. What if I'm feeling moody/fat/sad/blah/distracted, will I still want to do it?

As the author points out, the modern mood of people changes as rapidly as a tv channel or an Internet ad. So how can we really commit to slowing down?

Maybe you just have to give it the "ol' college try." Anyone else willing to experiment over the weekend with their partners? It'd be interesting to get a post going with various reactions (successful or no).

Oh Spanx

2009-10-16T14:07:00.004-05:00

Found this random article and was laughing quite a bit as something very similar happened to me lately.

The Surprise Spanx Make-Out

Spanx is glorious. With an extra 10 lbs on my frame right now, Spanx has enabled me to look svelte and like my formerly more skinny self. It's clutch at weddings (wore it under every bridesmaid dress) and for those nights out when you want to look extra sexy.

But you know what's not so sexy about Spanx? Aside from the fact, as the author of the article points out, "It's like binding your midsection with an Ace bandage," what's not sexy is when your boyfriend is doing the laundry and has to fold your Spanx for you.

Yeah, that must have been a turn on for him. Amid all of my little thongs this huge, beige, girdle-like contraption. Yep, good stuff/DOH!

Got to love those little moments when the girly veil drops. It's like when you know they can hear you fart and poop in the bathroom. Not that girls fart... or poop.... but you know what I mean.

Can't go home again

2009-10-09T12:35:00.003-05:00

Most of my writing attention has gone to the class I'm taking this fall since I'm required to keep a professional journal and write in it 4 x a week. But this entry that I wrote for the journal I decided to share here, because I'm honestly confused.

Why do people return to former employers? After a nearly 3.5 year absence, a former colleague of mine is returning to the old publish co. we worked for. She HATED it there. Why would she go back then?

Thinking of all the jobs I’ve had, good and bad, I can’t imagine ever returning to a place of former employ. I think the only time I ever went back to a job was when I came back from a semester of college for Christmas break and was able to clerk at the record store where I spent my summer. Even then I was like “What the heck am I doing here??”

I have nightmares about being back at old employers—usually the restaurants I worked at before, only this time (in my dreams) I can’t remember table numbers, keep messing up orders, can’t move fast enough, etc…

Does she think the professional growth opportunities that weren’t there will suddenly reappear despite the fact that the company is clearly in the crapper? Or maybe she really didn’t like what she left to do (marketing for Fidelity and then started her own business as a life coach), and just wanted to go back to the familiar—reporting and writing.

But…why there? You can report and write in a number of industries. Every business needs a good writer, as my father is quick to tell me. Is it the allure of the familiar? Or just an extremely shitty job market?

Maybe the reason I can’t understand it is because I’m so used to change in my life, between moves, schools, and whatnot that I’ve been through. (Although admittedly, this sounds a little haughty).

It just doesn’t seem like the way to move forward is to step back. Anyone have insights on this?

17 things to teach your sons about women

2009-09-23T13:39:00.001-05:00

From a CNN.com article. How well does your man fair?

1. Pick your battles.

2. Walk on the outside (closer to the street) of your female companion.

3. Saying "You're being crazy" is never an appropriate response, unless you want her to go postal on you.

4. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids are things men can actually do as well as women.

5. Keep backup supplies of quality chocolate in the house for her to raid.

6. Buying tampons and other feminine products shouldn't embarrass you --everyone knows they're not for you.

7. Women like compliments and gifts.

8. Earning less than her shouldn't be emasculating.

9. Be on time, even if she usually isn't.

10. Don't be a pouty puppy when shopping with her.

11. Find out what her favorite flower is.

12. If you like her, then don't buy her shoes; it's bad luck.

13. Smiling and nodding aren't the same as listening.

14. It's OK to cry in front of her, but keep the blubbering to a minimum.

15. Personality goes a long way.

16. At some point she'll be more important than your mother.

17. You will never completely understand women.

Hey, these brownies are great. What's in them?

2009-09-11T13:52:00.004-05:00

Reposted from a NYTimes.com article bc it's kind of hilarious (although I suspect the teachers didn't find it funny at all):

When several preschool teachers in Los Angeles fell sick last April after eating brownies, public health investigators suspected it wasn’t a typical case of food poisoning. The symptoms included giddiness, dizziness, mood changes, dry mouth — and a bad case of the munchies.

One of the teachers had bought the homemade goodies a few days earlier from what she thought was a church bake sale; she shared them with colleagues during a work break.

But within 90 minutes of eating just one brownie each, five teachers became ill; the adult son of the buyer also reported symptoms.

It turned out there had been no church bake sale. And a leftover piece of brownie tested positive for cannabinoids found in marijuana, according to a report of the incident published Sept. 4 in The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the CDC.

Stella Fogleman, the first author of the report, said that none of the teachers had used marijuana before and that they did not like the way it made them feel. “They didn’t know they were eating pot brownies, so it’s not the same symptoms as someone who deliberately ate them at a party and got high,” Ms. Fogleman said. Two teachers sought medical attention for their symptoms, and one patient tested positive for THC, the active ingredient in marijuana metabolite.

All have recovered. The sidewalk vendor who sold the brownies, for $1.50 each, has not been located.

Who doesn't love a good penis joke?

2009-09-02T14:06:00.003-05:00

“It looks like an egg in a nest. This girl once said to me, ‘Who are you going to satisfy with that little thing?’ I said, ‘Me!’” —Johnny Knoxville

Read more quips about peni in Everyone's Talking About Dick These Days

And yes, I'm fully aware I have the sense of humor of a 10-year-old boy. Ah well. As long as I amuse myself.

Turning my blue eyes green...

2009-08-21T08:58:00.003-05:00

Great image from a CNN.com article today. Modern-day Medusa/jealousy.

In the article, there's a discussion about why jealousy occurs, and why humans and other creatures have counted jealousy as a strong and helpful trait along the evolutionary path.

Jealousy is probably one of my biggest weaknesses and one I struggle to control and ignore. Who likes a crazy jealous bitch? (hint: NO ONE).

Luckily, as I've gotten older I've mellowed out (although, after a few drinks, I can be a bit protective of my man at bars crawling with skanks.... perhaps this is a positive evolutionary side?).

The hardest situation I have been facing lately involves Tex's ex-girlfriends. Don't worry, he has no contact with them whatsoever, but it seems like every time I go up to VT we run into one or another of them (or hear a story about this or that hilarious time with one of them). I know he has a past, but it's hard to blissfully ignore it when it's being rubbed into my face.

And then there's the one that's "friended" him on Facebook (although the page was created and is run by one of his buddies, so it's not even him)... And I will admit, more than one of my exs is my friend on there as well... so it would be a tad hypocritical to be miffed about it. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

At the end of the day though, it's important to remember it's me he's coming home with. It's me he loves and we make each other happy. There is a reason why those other ladies (and gentlemen for me) are exs.

Reminding myself of this always makes me smile and keeps my eyes their typical shade of blue. Anyone else have a few tips for ignoring Medusa?

Apt help so baby can get care

2009-08-19T08:34:00.004-05:00

Hi All. Got an e-mail from a good friend of mine today who has friends with a baby that requires intensive hospital care. The family is moving to Boston to take advantage of the expert care here, and are looking for an apt. Their guidelines are below:

must have air conditioning
must be on the ground floor or have an elevator
wood floors
2 bedrooms (can be tiny as long as living room is big)

Looking to move in on September 1st and expect to be here for a year or two.

Dream neighborhoods are Coolidge Corner, Fenway, and Jamaica Plain, but mostly it is important to be near or nearish to Children’s Hospital.

If you have any ideas, or know someone with the perfect place for rent, please visit the family's blog and let them know: http://smallbeerpress.com/not-a-journal/2009/08/17/boston-apartment/

Thanks in advance for your help!

Could you be this stoic?

2009-08-03T14:13:00.002-05:00

Spotted an article from NYTimes.com:

Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear

Almost 100% positive I could not do what she did in the face of these terrible words:

"I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did."

Check it out.

Should you put a ring on it?

2009-07-28T13:55:00.002-05:00

Read an article on CNN.com today (man, do they have some girly stuff on there sometimes!) written by a woman whose engagement was broken by a cold-footed groom.

She writes how at first, it was very difficult, but then as time went on she still felt happy for friends and family members who were taking the plunge. The article, in other words, was fairly unremarkable up to this point.

But it was the end that caught me. She writes, "A ring makes [your relationship] no more or no less secure. Being engaged can be romantic, wonderful, and exciting. Scary and anxiety-causing? Sure. But secure? No. A ring is just window dressing. What's behind it is either quality, or it's not, or it's somewhere in between and it's up to the two of you -- not a piece of jewelry -- to make the most of it."

A good reminder/message, I think, even for those who are already married.

As a side note, as I'm writing this post, Beyonce's "Single Ladies" is blasting in my head. Such a good booty-shaking song.... ;)

Love in 2-D

2009-07-24T10:50:00.003-05:00

Found this article at NYTimes.com:

Love in 2-D

Simultaneously sad, disturbing, awkward, strange, etc...

Pure negligence

2009-07-23T14:46:00.002-05:00

Ah my poor woefully neglected blog. I don't think apologies suffice, but they are there if you want 'em.

Here's an update:

- Traveling or otherwise busy almost every weekend this summer, doing mostly fun stuff and seeing lots of people.

- Had the flu last week = the suck.

- Tex and I are still enjoying cohabitation. Some talk has been bandied about re: the next step, but he made it pretty clear that until he begins to pull in a paycheck again (next summer/fall?) there is no sparkler in my future. Not worried at all, and glad it's at least a possibility :)

- New kitten is still hilarious, and Caesar (3-year old cat) grudgingly appreciates the company.

- Had a rough day this past Tuesday when I found out that my credit card number had been stolen and used to buy approximately $500 worth of random stuff (mostly food). The bank was great about it though (they actually alerted me to the fraud via e-mail), took everything off, canceled the card, and are sending me a new one. With any luck it is all set, but for protection I have put a watch on my credit report. What a pain, oy.

- Correlated to the credit card issue, some people really suck for no reason and just take a dump right on your lap (not a new revelation, but one that I've found particularly true after receiving an e-mail that went on at length about how much I suck personally and professionally). In the end, you just have to laugh and rise above to leave them standing shoe deep in poo.

- Couple of good weddings coming up, one next weekend, one in Sept., and one in January. All people I heart big time and lots of dancing is guaranteed. My kind of party.

- Going to get back in shape once in for all. Finally feeling the motivation I have been so sorely lacking. Goals: Lose up to 10 pounds by the end of November, tone flabby arms, eat healthier. Tex is on a health kick lately too, so it's nice to have a partner in this.

- Aside from the weddings, I am looking forward to a trip to Pittsburgh to see a very dear friend, a trip to Henderson Harbor to see family, and a trip to Baltimore to see the Sox and my bro and sis. Ole.

So there's a month in a nutshell. Hoping to get some sun this Sunday so I'm not the palest bridesmaid ever. True story. Will make an effort to write more frequently, or at least month than once a month.

West African missionary apartment fraud and bird poop

2009-06-25T13:24:00.003-05:00

So Tex and I are casually looking for an apartment when I came across a 2 bedroom apartment on Craigslist for $700 a month.

Curious, I e-mailed the poster to inquire if this was in fact legit and I get this response:

Hansen Karle hansen.karle@yahoo.com> writes:
>Hello
>Thanks for the email. I DR Hansen Karle the house and also it is situated
>at (130-140 Beaconsfield Rd., Brookline, MA, 02215 ) and also want you to
>know that it was due to my transfer that makes me and my wife to leave
>the house and also want to give it out for rent and looking for a
>responsible person that can take a very good care of it as we are not
>after the money for the rent but want it to be clean all the time and the
>possible tenant will see the house as his or her own. We are going to be
>gone for 2 years or more.

> We have left the Massachusetts and we are currently in West Africa for
>our missionary call. Before we left the Massachusetts for West Africa, we
>look for a reputable agent that will take a very good care of th e house
>while we are away but could not found any so we left with the house keys
>and document when leaving. If you will be the right tenant to our house,
>we will get the keys and documents of the house sent to you via courier
>services as soon as all terms are settled.
>
> I will be online through out to get back to you as soon as you are able
>to get back to me. I would want to know how soon you would want to move
>in as I will be taking a 1 month upfront payment for the house including
>all the utilities there. I am asking for $700 and I believe we should be
>able to help ourselves. I am accepting $700 because I want you to take a
>very good care of the house while I am away.
>
> I am looking forward to hear from you ASAP so that i can forward you an
>application to fill out and discuss on how to get the house for rent over
>to me so that I can get the keys and papers sent to you via fedex or ups
>e.t.c, also are you ready to rent it now or when? Await your reply. I
>will be willing to send the inside view of the building if you demands
>for it.The good Lord has been good to me, I am paying him back with my
>missionary call.. I could let you remain in the house till I come back if
>you are a good tenant..
>Thanks God bless you.
>You can call me Via this Number for more
>Hansen Karle
>details:+2347089063609

Again, curious and maybe slightly hopeful/skeptical, I replied that I would indeed like to see photos. What he sends are photos of a freaking mansion, I mean seriously and absolutely the most posh pad ever. He also sends a weird application for the apartment, asking the following questions:

RENT APPLICATION FORM
1)Full Name:.....
2)Your Full Address & Phone Number....
3)How old are you?....
4)Are you married?..
5)How many people will be living in the house?..
6)Do you have a pet?....
7)Do you have a car?..
8)Occupation?..
9)What is your religion?....
10)Are you born again?.................
11)When are you moving in?..............

I didn't reply to that e-mail or send my application in because I had a nagging suspicion that this was just too good to be true. Googling the phone number "Hansen" gave me, I found a series of posts on this exact same type of fraud.

I reported the scheme to the federal gov., but I bet the dude will be making some good money in the meantime from those a little less skeptical than I.

So not only is the perfect apartment a figment of some asshole's imagination, but I sat in bird poop while trying to read outside today.

All in all, not my fave.

Adorable, 'nuff said

2009-06-15T12:14:00.004-05:00

Got a bday present from Tex:
A 10-week old mackerel tabby kitten. So freakin' awesome. Current kitty is adjusting well to the new roommate, and I hope they will be snuggling soon.

Bragging like a new mom. :)

It's raining, it's pouring, this kid is snoring

2009-06-09T11:14:00.003-05:00

These gray days = the suck. True story.

Tex is a little under the weather this week and I'm fighting off hormonal mood swings, and despite our grumpiness there have been minimal crabbing or other types of fighting in our humble abode.

I really could get used to this domestic nonsense and have even been cooking for us most nights. Before my feminist friends get all up in arms, I'm happy to report that Tex is more than willing to help (offering repeatedly throughout the evening, but I prefer to be the only one in my kitchen, thank you control issues) or to cook (will be taking him up on this offer soon, but am curious as to what he'll produce when not grilling).

Admittedly, this drive to cook for us is taking me by surprise. My mother, without fail, no matter how sick or tired she is, will have a beautiful dinner on the table when my father gets home. I've often regarded this habit with barely concealed scorn--surely a grown man can fend for himself on an odd night or three, right?

But now I'm beginning to understand the pleasure in watching someone you love enjoy something you made with your own hands. And in my mom's case, I think it's a way she shows him her love and appreciation for those 60+ hour-work-weeks he's still pumping out even as he gradually floats closer to 60 years old. That's not to say she doesn't work hard at home while he's at the office, because I know that she definitely and without a doubt does. Seeing her in action gave me a hefty dose of respect for stay-at-home moms (seriously, how the heck does the woman do all that she does and stay sane, raise two kids, and provide dinner every night??).

Food as a gesture and a connection. I can understand that (although she freakin' spoils him some nights, but I guess that's marriage, ha).

Anyways, I'm looking for good recipes/meal ideas if any of ya'll have stuff out there you're willing to share. We're not really red meat eaters, but most anything else is welcome.

Also, any tips for how to get through all these rainy days would be great. I'm falling asleep over here for reals. Happy puddle-jumping.

Gone but not forgotten

2009-06-02T10:50:00.001-05:00

Sorry all, this is the BUSY BUSY BUSY season at work right now. Will be back at it shortly.

Any of ya'll out there are welcome to guest blog for me (you know you wanna). Just let me know.

Some beans to spill

2009-05-18T11:50:00.002-05:00

Now that all the appropriate parties have been notified (i.e. my parents), I can finally spill the beans.

Tex and I are moving in together this summer!

We've already started making my apartment a two-person friendly space (I even cleaned out a closet for him, that's love) and have made plans for random improvements/stuff to do this summer.

So, I'm pretty stoked.

Much to my surprise, the rents took it really well. Both said they were happy for me (weird!) and didn't get angry at all. They must really like Tex. Somewhat disappointing though, I had sorta wanted a good fight, hahaha.

Final move-in or die date? End of June (but I'm hoping more like June 1 as limbo doesn't really suit me). I worry a little that he'll see how crazy I am alllllll the time and run for the hills, but he's reassured me otherwise, so I'm pushing it to the very back of my mind.

Since I'm about to embark on a fantastic domestic adventure, I should have more to blog about (rejoice!). Also, I'm accepting any/all tips on better living with lover/partner/significant other/etc...

This kid = happy.

When the whistle blows

2009-05-13T13:45:00.004-05:00

Really moving and provocative story from LATimes.com this week about kids who ride the rails instead of growing up.

On the run from everything but each other

It reads like one of those heartbreaking movies about star-crossed lovers. Dunno why, but it really hit home.

Your name or mine?

2009-05-05T14:18:00.003-05:00

Women who get married face a decision: change or keep your last name?

The issue is often fraught with awkward conversations between would-be spouses, their friends, family members, and everyone else who feels it's necessary to contribute two cents.

And then, there are those cases when the government steps in, like in Germany...

German triple-barreled ban holds

The German government is prohibiting its citizens from having more than three last names. In the case of one couple, the woman wants to add her name to her husband's already hyphenated surname, but no dice.

The reason the government doesn't want this trilogy to occur? "The court ruled surnames made of three or more different names made it more difficult to trace back a family line."

Eeek. There's something distinctly threatening about this. Why does family lineage matter? Which also seems to beg the question: who exactly are they trying to keep out/in?

Just sayin...sketchy, Germany, super sketchy.

Guilty pleasures

2009-05-01T10:26:00.002-05:00

Spotted an article on CNN.com written by a dude about guilty pleasures.

It's a pretty funny read, basically saying that men don't have any and women should revel in theirs.

I certainly have a number of (sometimes) blush inducing guilty pleasures, including:

- Celebrity gossip, I may or may not check TMZ.com and Eonline.com at least once a day
- Super girly movies, such as Mamma Mia!
- Twilight books, movies, gossip, etc... yep, I've even read that unfinished copy of Midnight Sun on stepheniemeyer.com

There's more, but you get the point. Also, it's Friday. That is rad. Much more of an obvious pleasure than a guilty one. Anyways, back to work for me.

Yay eventual onslaught of weekend-ness!

How Men Change

2009-04-30T10:01:00.002-05:00

Randomly came across this short article on

How Men Change

Made me laugh even though I couldn't identify with everything (mainly the having kids part).

Things are going on, but I can't blog about it 'til everything has been finalized. No, not a job change this time (although it's been crazy, I still like what I'm doing), but something much more fun.

Also, I'm enjoying the warm weather and propensity to cook out. Tex and I made the best grilled pork chops EVER yesterday, true story.

Anyways, just felt like sharing. Ciao.

Happy Birthday!

2009-04-07T11:55:00.011-05:00

With a gasp of surprise (literally, I made noise and everything), I realized this little blog is almost 2* years old!

I started it as a lark back on April 27, 2007, thinking I'd grow tired of it as I had with most diaries and journals in the past, but for some reason (the medium maybe?) I've kept it going through moves, jobs, men, births, deaths, tears, laughter, and everything in between.

To celebrate, I've picked a solid selection of entries (older to newer), chosen for random reasons as some of my faves (most of the older ones I look at and think, "I wrote that??").

Hope you enjoy this look back as much as I do. And here's to another great year of brain vomit :)

Self-flagellation, or how I like to spend my weekends
Will you marry...ever?
The confessional
Committed part 1
Wishful thinking
I get so weak in the knees...
Hey good lookin', what you got cookin'?
The tragic hero
A grump's thoughts on love, round two
It's the waiting that's killing me
Are you a yes (wo)man?
Playlist for the hormone-frenzy that is spring

*yes, there was a birthday cake on here with a three on it. sadly, I haven't gotten any smarter in the intervening years and still can't seem to count....sigh. in my defense (albeit a weak one), this is the third April in which I've been blogging so I got confused/didn't really think enough about it.

A shift in timetables

2009-04-07T11:35:00.002-05:00

Good article from the NY Times:

Your Old Man

New research shows that the age of men greatly impacts the health of a baby. Nice to know us ladies aren't the only ones with expiration dates on our foreheads.

But, as the article points out, "the hows and whens of having a baby are still juggled primarily by women. We are the ones who hold the time lines and calendars in our heads, who have to surrender space in our bodies and clear time in our lives. Too soon could derail a career. Too late could risk infertility. Becoming a mother means compromising with biology in order to beat that clock."

Playlist for the hormone-frenzy that is spring

2009-03-30T10:48:00.005-05:00

This is my first guest blog, so exciting! My good friend, Estef, has volunteered an awesome seasonal mix. She is doing a lot of research right now on the way people listen and put tunes together (read more at her blog), and I'm psyched to present her thoughts here.

(a soundtrack for riding out gentle breezes and thunderstorms)

1 James Brown-Hot Pants

2 The Velvelettes-He Was Really Sayin’ Somethin’

3 Bjork-It’s Oh So Quiet

4 Belle & Sebastian-If You’re Feeling Sinister

5 Death Cab for Cutie-Marching Bands of Manhattan

6 She & Him-Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?

7 David Pajo-I’ve Just Restored My Will to Live Again

8 CAKE-I Will Survive

9 The Magnetic Fields-A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off

10 Stevie Wonder-For Once In My Life

11 Bruce Springsteen-Thunder Road

12 Big Star-Thirteen

13 Wilco-I Got You (at the end of the century)

14 Lucinda Williams-Honey Bee

15 Leonard Cohen-I’m Your Man

16 Mariage Blanc-Marquee

17 My Morning Jacket-Evil Urges

18 Silver Jews-Blue Arrangements

19. Dr. Dog-Hang On

If you all out there want to contribute, feel free! It can be anything you want, about anything you want--an essay or just a photo, a playlist or a paragraph. Send me an e-mail or leave a comment if you are interested.

Expec-ta-tion

2009-03-27T13:15:00.003-05:00

An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future (thank you iMac dictionary).

Expectations are worse than intentions (a person's designs, aim, or plan) and assumptions (a thing that is accepted as true or certain to happen without proof).

Example:

I will do my best to make my parents happy over Easter weekend (I intend for them to have a good time)
When my parents arrive at my brother's house, they will be overjoyed to see us all together (I assume that no matter what happened up to that point, they will give way to happiness)
Tex and I will have a great time in Baltimore over Easter weekend (this will happen, right?)

See how absolutely devastating/disappointing the expectation could be if it remained unmet?

Although I want or intend for my parents to have a nice time, I have no real control over how they react, only over how I behave. I assume that our company will make them happy, but knowing my father, traffic and the way their dogs behave in the car are definitely variables. Each of these allows for change.

The expectation, however, remains unshakable. We had fun last year, he loves me, my family is a good time and like him a lot, I like being around my family, so what could go wrong?

I'd love to be able to go through life without expectations for myself or others, but this would be an impossibility (or so I assume) because sometimes they prove necessary. You train your dog to pee outside. If he fails to do so, it indicates a need for further training or a health problem. You make plans with a friend and expect her to show up. If she doesn't, there could be a solid, honest reason, or maybe you invest less in that relationship.

Expectations teach lessons. And while misplaced or misbegotten intentions can be heartbreaking to a degree, and assumptions make you feel like shite when exposed, what you learn from ill-fated expectations can be downright brutal (e.g. He doesn't love me like I want him to. She is still leaving me. My child hates me.), I mean, damn.

What do you think? Are expectations the worst of the evils or do they provide too much good that balances the downside? I'm open to all arguments, so share if you feel like it.

Just like the Obamas

2009-03-20T08:50:00.004-05:00

Like the Obamas, Tex and I have started our garden!

It's growing in pots/a small greenhouse that sits on my bureau right now, but in May we'll move it outside. The best part? I just spotted our first little sprouts!!

We started everything from seed this year (last year, we bought one little tomato plant and six red pepper plants). In our new garden, you will find (we hope): basil, parsley, chives, oregano, daisies, snap peas, cucumbers, spinach, tomatoes, multicolor peppers, and cantaloupe.

The herbs may live in a pot on my screened-in porch if the plot we have to work with off the patio seems a little crowded. I am seriously so excited!

Another positive, Tex said in passing, "Well, that will keep us in the apartment until at least September." So... maybe no move until the fall, and "keep us"? I don't want to jinx it by stating the obvious, I'm just hoping it's true.

Grow little garden, grow!

Quit it!

2009-03-19T11:12:00.002-05:00

This has seriously got to stop. I had another AWFUL dream last night, again centering around my mental health. In this one, I had plans to meet with a friend at 8 am at my apartment, and went out for some groceries at a CVS just before. Afterwards, I head home (for some reason I had to take a train to get back). Then my friend knocks on the door and tells me I had missed our scheduled breakfast and that it's in fact, twelve hours later = 8 pm.

Frantic to figure out what happened in those 12 hours that I don't remember, we go back to the CVS to find that the staff are all scared of me because I had a psychotic/catatonic break down there earlier in the day. I just remember saying, "This is a symptom of schizophrenia," while someone nearby broke into tears at the injustice of it all.

What the hell is that about? I think now I've so obsessed about it that more dreams are likely to follow. But I just remember waking up with a feeling of complete dread and heart sickness.

Not exactly the way I want to start my day...

Well, that explains it

2009-03-16T12:29:00.002-05:00

According to some scientists...

Serious brain decline begins at 27

So that gives me a solid 4 months of usefulness until I have oatmeal for brains. Sweet.

It must be all that alcohol/etc. that powered me through college and my early 20s. Now that I've settled down (relatively speaking), my brain doesn't feel like working anymore. Wonder if there's a connection there.

An aside: I bought some flowers to support the American Cancer Society, and they are totally making my day. A little sunshine goes a long way.

Getting afraid to close my eyes

2009-03-13T10:08:00.003-05:00

I don't know what's been up lately, but I've been having a lot of nightmares.

I'd love to see someone dream dictionary these bad boys:

Last night it was me getting sent to a sanatorium (mad house) and told by a heartless bitch of a shrink that I have schizophrenia and if that wasn't bad enough, I wasn't allowed to drink anything but ginger ale. Knowing that this was a completely false accusation and dying for a Pepsi (natch), I stood enraged and helpless (a la Angelina Jolie in Changling). Totally freaked me out in that wordless terror kind of way (even though reading the above description mostly makes me laugh now, it wasn't funny at the time).

The night before was much much worse. I was driving somewhere, it was raining, and then all the sudden I hit a little girl with blond hair in a red flower-covered dress. And as she rolled up across my windshield, pieces of her brains and blood splattered everywhere. Truly horrific awfulness. I'm not really sure what happened next because I was desperate to wake up.

WTF is all this about?

Here's hoping the weekend provides more restful sleep...

New tasks

2009-03-12T15:45:00.002-05:00

1) Start a novel
2) Complete a short story about my grandfather
3) Don't go crazy
4) Get back into shape
5 ) Start a consulting business
6) Don't go crazy
7) Look at new apartments for a possible move this summer
8) Get car fixed and sell it
9) Don't go crazy
10) Become a better human being

and on and on it goes... By far one of my most ambitious lists yet. Cross your fingers for me.

Anon, good nurse, anon

2009-03-05T10:04:00.003-05:00

Head and schedule extremely full of late. Will post when I have some breathing room.

Any contributors out there feel like posting something in the meantime?

In one word

2009-02-19T14:25:00.002-05:00

I stole this one word survey from my cousin's husband's blog (which also has some ridiculously cute videos of their little baby boy!).

Where is your cell phone? Coat

Your hair? Ponytail

Your mother? Amazing

Your father? Practical

Your significant other? Love-of-my-life-tastic (yes, I cheated here)

Your favorite thing? Happiness

Your dream last night? Weird

Your favorite drink? Pepsi

Your dream/goal? Editor-extraordinaire (it's my party, I can stretch if I want to)

What room are you in? Office

Your hobby? Writing

Your fear? Failure

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Alive

Where were you last night? Apartment

Something that you aren’t? Mathematical

Muffins? Likeable

Wish list item? $$

Last thing you did? Work

TV? Nope

Your pets? Caesar

Friends? Incomparable

Your life? Blessed

Your mood? Expectant (not in the pregnant kind of way, but in the looking forward to something you know is going to happen way)

Missing someone? Yes

Drinking? Agua

Smoking? Nope

Your car? Broken

Something you’re not wearing? Watch

Your favorite store? Target

Your favorite color? The-sky-at-midnight-in-the-country-blue

When is the last time you cried? Monday

Where do you go to over and over? Southie

Favorite place to eat? Amrheins

Favorite place I’d like to be right now? Beach

New Amazon.com widget

2009-02-10T15:08:00.003-05:00

You may notice that I have added a new box from Amazon.com that features some of my fave movies, books, and music.

The neatest part?

If you click through it and buy something, I get a bonus too! So hook a sister up, would ya?

Are you a yes (wo)man?

2009-02-10T12:36:00.003-05:00

Really thought-provoking article here about career-driven women who say yes on the job all the time.

The price of saying "no" at work

Although my generation (Generation Y) is known for saying "no" in favor of work/life balance, I still know plenty of women (and myself included at times) who say "yes" even if it means missing other once-in-a-lifetime moments outside of the cubical walls.

Does anyone know a woman who has it both ways? A top position at a strong/thriving/competitive company and a fantastic family/husband/life? Michelle Obama maybe?

The question of sacrifice here is a crucial one.... and I'm still undecided.

Tick tick tick

2009-02-04T12:48:00.003-05:00

"If I'm comparing having children to being chased by a pack of zombies, it's probably not the right time to start planning a little treasure in my belly..."

Hilarious counter-argument to the biological clock theory:

My biological clock is broken

Confessions

2009-02-02T11:12:00.002-05:00

I don't know what it is about this story, but I found myself in there somewhere.

A confession on the second date

Little confessions, potentially big impact.

The best ones hold your hand anyways...

Miscommunication

2009-01-28T09:31:00.002-05:00

Isn't funny (or maybe tragic) what happens when communication fails? Romeo and Juliet would have been fine if they'd been able to pick up a telephone, or even chosen a reliable messenger.

And it's not just in words where communication fails. Sometimes its in interpretations. For example, I auditioned for a theater workshop last night, 25 people trying for 20 spots. There were worse singers, and certainly better singers than anything I could offer. I got up there, sang okay, not my best because of nerves and exhaustion, and then promptly sat down and hated myself for the rest of the night. While both my friends who auditioned with me, the instructor of the workshop, and her TA complimented me on a job well done, I was/am convinced I'll be one of the first cut. My brain won't communicate with reality. Even as I write this, I'm still convinced of an impending denial/failure. And how long will I beat myself up for that?

I was having a similar issue with my brother the other night, and our conversation has left me feeling frustrated and a little hurt.

It began as part of our normal check up on each other phone calls, and I shared with him a conversation I had with Tex. Last weekend we had talked about the moving in together thing, and Tex honestly shared that he wasn't ready yet, but maybe this summer when he doesn't have two cars for work, and he'd like us to move to an entirely new place somewhere in a different neighborhood. I can understand where Tex is coming from, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, and the thought of moving again--at least right now--is overwhelming. It still feels like I just got into my apartment. He assured me how seriously he was taking our relationship and that he was still as invested in it as I was. Although we didn't reach any solid conclusions or plans, the conversation ended well, and we agreed to talk about it again in the future/near the time that Tex enters grad school.

What I told my brother was that I was a bit bummed by the exchange but ultimately understood. What he told me was several variations of the following: "Well, make sure you don't do XYZ..." "I know how you are, so don't do XYZ..." "If you keep nagging at him, he's going to break up with you..." "I know how you are, so just relax..."

In short, he didn't listen. Or at least it feels that way. He instantly got critical of me and what I could potentially do. Does he think I'm so neurotic or stupid as to ruin a great relationship by hounding Tex to marry me? It felt a lot like he has no idea who I am as a person. What I was looking for was someone who could empathize but then give me a guy's p.o.v., instead I was told that I was ruining my relationship and would soon drive Tex away.

The conversation Tex and I had was a comfortable adult exchange between two people in a relationship. A little couple status check. I have no intention of rushing Tex towards anything, as I'm enjoying the journey as much as he is. It hurts that my brother, whom I love and respect, doesn't believe I'm capable of something like that. Instead he assumes...what? That I'm selfish and neurotic? I don't know.

But who I am right? Being passive aggressive by blogging about it instead of talking with my brother about how I feel. I know he was speaking from a place of love and concern--he knows how invested in my relationship I am and doesn't want to see me hurt. I just wish he'd listened a little more. And how I interpreted what he said amounts to the impact of miscommunication. Or in other words, a mess.

As a communications professional, there are lessons I can learn here.

Where ya been, kid?

2009-01-27T11:37:00.003-05:00

My father had to sneeze yesterday. It was his first sneeze in a couple weeks. The first sneeze since skilled surgeons cut the meat between three of his ribs, deflated his left lung, and slung another wire into a chamber of his heart. The procedure, which allows his pacemaker to strengthen both sides of his heart (rather than a single side, as it had before), will allow him to live longer, better, and happier in the long run.

But first he had to get through the sneeze. "It was like my chest was being pulled apart again. I yelled 'YOW!' scaring your poor mother half to death and sent the dogs into a barking frenzy because they thought I was being attacked." It was an experience, he said, that he hopes not to go through again until the incisions and stitches have healed. Can you imagine being scared of a sneeze?

Before my dad went into surgery, he did his best to reassure me, my mom, and assorted family members that it was no big deal, he had the best of the best working on him, etc... And while all of this seemed like the truth, it didn't stop me from nearly crying on the phone as I said my "I love you and good luck" the night before he went in. What if that had been the last time I had spoken with my father? Would I always remember that he had been softly poking fun at my mom, in good spirits, and laughing as we said goodbye. It's pretty overwhelming to think about, and I thank whatever power it is out there that my father came home and only has to complain about recuperation.

Crazy what some people go through in a week or two isn't it?

Anti-love potion?

2009-01-14T10:39:00.002-05:00

Check out this article on NYTimes.com: Anti-Love Drug May Be Ticket to Bliss

A decidedly less romantic take on love potions, but he definitely has some interesting points.

Crazy to think how potent pharmaceuticals are now and will grow to be. Will we even know ourselves anymore?

I think I'll have tea...

2009-01-09T11:00:00.003-05:00

Here's something amusing for the weekend.

Did you know that if you drink three cups or more of coffee each day, you can shrink your breast size??

According to researchers, it's true.

Thankfully I've never liked coffee, otherwise my boobs would become concave (eek!).

Anyways, I'm hoping for some guest posting in the new year (hint, hint, hint). Maybe even SOON (p-p-p-please?). If you feel like contributing just let me know!

2009, whoa

2009-01-05T11:22:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year everyone. Can't believe it's 2009.

Rang in the year with style (aka a lot of booze and some very good friends) and enjoyed the fact that Tex and I shared our second new year's eve kiss (aww). We spent the greater part of this past week (both of us on vacation, so sweet) together and hermiting in my apartment, playing video games, cooking, and just generally enjoying the intimacy. We hadn't been able to spend much time together in the two weeks previous, so it was really nice.

Time at home for Christmas was good too. Lots of food and presents and catching up. My brother had to split time between our fam and his wife's fam, but they made it work well, and it was fun to see them.

It was difficult, however, to see my grandfather. Having fallen down and then fallen ill, he had become bed-ridden at the start of December. Typically a jovial and smart-alecky type of a man, Pop had turned sad, unable to carry on much of a conversation, and unwilling to eat most of the time. I knew as I was seeing him, speaking with him, and telling him I loved him, that it would most likely be for the last time. And yesterday, I got the call that he had passed away Saturday night, holding hands with my grandmother and their adopted son. He requested that there be no services or funerals or anything at his passing, simply that his ashes be scattered at his favorite place--an old, rundown hunting camp where he spent a lot of his time with friends and his sons.

Pop didn't live an easy life, but he loved his grandchildren, and I will miss him.

This news, added with the befuddlement of the post-vacation haze, has made getting back to work today a little challenging to say the least. But I'm looking forward to lunch because Tex's parents got me a gift card to Barnes and Nobles, and book/CD shopping always helps to lighten my spirits.

If you're out there and reading this, please keep my family in your prayers this week. It's definitely appreciated.

Bad, rom-coms, bad!

2008-12-17T16:22:00.002-05:00

Hahaha... I wondered how long it would take for researchers to figure this out:

Watching romantic comedies can spoil your love life

It the search for perfection without having to ask. Too funny.

Life has been busy thanks to the upcoming holidays. Definitely looking forward to spending some QT in VA with the fam. I get two weeks off of work, which is pretty sweet (thank you higher ed!), and just need to do some relaxing.

Probably won't write until after the madness, so I'm wishing you and yours happiness, peace, and health in the new year (and always!).

Rings and naughty photos

2008-12-11T13:27:00.003-05:00

Found a couple more articles worth sharing. One is about how NOT to get your lover to propose, and the other about a new craze called "sexting."

4 horrible ways to get him to pop the question

Even if you don't fly into any sort of "ring tizzy" or have pressuring relatives, it can still suck a little bit if you're the last of the friends to get a big egg on your finger. Even if you know you and your person are so not there yet, there's still a vague prick of panic (what if it NEVER happens??). This article is pretty hilarious. I've even seen some girls pulling this stuff with giggles or anger or (oddly) both. Not my style (for which Tex had best be thankful, ha) really. Casual jokes are about all I got and those are very infrequent. Still, maybe I should cut those out too....

They say a picture's worth a thousand words. What if that picture is of your daughter...and she's half naked...and sent it to her boyfriend/crush, who then sent it to the entire high school football team, AND the coach. Yeah, welcome to the fabulous world of teen flirting and "sexting." Just read the article and you'll find out what it means.

Flirting goes high-tec with racy photos shared on cellphones

The darkness after Twilight?

2008-12-08T15:29:00.002-05:00

I can't help but feel that this may be an unintended side effect of the popular book series for young teens.

Self-injury on the rise among young people

The young heroine of Twilight is willing to not only bleed and suffer injury, but also DIE for the person she loves.

I know this is an extreme correlation, but something lurking in the back of my head won't let it go.

As the article points out, there's also the undue pressure that is put on young people in today's society to be pretty much perfect. This endeavor towards perfection creates a void of feeling, so people are using other means to provoke or fill the void.

Nine Inch Nail lyrics are popping into my head: "I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real...."

It's a disturbing and sad trend. I had a good friend in high school who used to create long gashes across her arms and legs with a razor blade. No matter how much we pleaded with her, she wouldn't stop. Thankfully her parents were aware and got her help, but the image of her arms crisscrossed with sharp and glaring red lines is not one I'm likely to forget any time soon.

I think it must feel like having survived an accident with significant injuries on the inside. You just slide into shock and don't feel anything at all. And in order to really treat the injuries you have to go through a lot of pain. But instead, maybe these kids are just checking to see their capacity to survive the pain with slight outside injuries. If they can put a band-aid on the physical cuts and watch them fade, maybe there's some hope for the inside ones or at the very least they can be ignored.

Surprising as I write this how much emotion I'm feeling on this subject. There's guilt, sadness, empathy, and helplessness. Crazy. I think I'll leave this be for now, but I wanted to throw it out there. Feel free to write any reactions or tell me I'm nuts.

A little too in touch maybe

2008-11-25T09:59:00.002-05:00

Facebook Broke My Heart

Well not really my heart, but it's certainly been upsetting a few relationships (according to the article anyways).

Cheating/voyeurism of the 21st century. Yikes.

Taboos and bad news

2008-11-24T11:31:00.002-05:00

Found a couple good reads from nytimes.com:

Bad News Can Be Better Than Nothing

and

As Taboos Ease, Saudi Girl Group Dares to Rock

The first describes a research project that was looking at how neurotic people respond to uncertainty. As a mildly neurotic individual, I definitely prefer to just freakin' know something rather than painfully waiting for the results (reading the past posts about my cancer scare is evidence enough of that).

The second article is about a new rock group forming in Saudi Arabia. Talk about courage. These girls could get stoned to death for showing men their toes, much less for rocking out. It's almost as if it's a criminal offense to be women, and yet...there's still music. Their strength and youthful optimism are pretty amazing and inspiring.

Here's looking at you, kid

2008-11-20T14:29:00.002-05:00

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I'm skeptical, but Tex said he was really struck by me the first time he saw me (awwwww).

Anyways, I found this article by comedian Denis Leary. It's hilarious and honest, and it's nice to hear from a dude once in a while. Give it a read.

Love at First Sight?

Days passing

2008-11-18T10:05:00.002-05:00

Haven't really felt like writing lately, thanks to a hugely busy couple of weeks at work. Sometimes even an editor can get tired of words.

All is well. I shook off my melancholy eventually. We had a lovely weekend in VT, eating a TON of junk food at an event his family calls "Little Thanksgiving." Essentially it's a very, very, very unhealthy dinner (made up of everything from pizza to donuts, and chicken wings to ice cream) that his siblings host for their friends and each other. Lots of laughs, belly aches, and general good times all around.

I'm cooking up a scheme to get more posts up here. Will write about it shortly.

For now, I just have to confess this somewhere but.... despite my best intentions to turn my nose up at this event in pop culture, I succumbed and read (in one night!) the first book in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. I'm both embarrassed and amused.

As an avid horror story reader in my younger days, I always dreamed something very much along the lines of this scenario would happen to me. So geeky, so true. Naturally I'm now looking forward to reading the second, third, fourth, and how many every books there are/will be in the series. Freakin' romance novels.

The writing is not the best I've read, I'll admit. Some of her phrases and interactions between characters are cliche and exaggerated, but it's still a decent/entertaining read (evidenced even more so by the mass hysteria that's erupting over the upcoming movie).

I suppose anything that encourages girls (and their mothers) to read isn't totally worthless. Maybe this is the 21st century's version of a Jane Austen novel? The new round of Harry Potter for those kids who had just begin to miss day dreaming about magic?

Or maybe it's just a sexy story... I wonder if the movie will be any good...

Unease...

2008-11-13T09:57:00.002-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you are certain that you are doing everything completely and irrevocably wrong?

I woke up with that unease this morning. Mostly centering around Tex for no real reason other than that we had a small tiff and he was quiet the other day. I'm completely ignoring the fact that he was exhausted and stressed about work, and am instead convinced that he's unhappy with the state of "us".

How's that for egocentric?

I just feel like he's going to up and walk away from this, and maybe I should do it first to protect myself. Stupid, unreasonable, yes... but the situations from relationships-past still haunt me. He's so much better than those other guys and he loves me truly, but I still feel like I'm going to do something wrong to change all that overnight. I don't want to be blindsided...

I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. My positive thinking powers are in the crapper today.

Ugh, sorry for the unhappy post. It'll be better tomorrow.

One

2008-11-06T13:17:00.002-05:00

Early in the AM as the alarm greets us from our dreams:

Tex: (sleepily and with a happy sigh) Happy anniversary.
Me: Thanks babe (with a groggy and eyes-half-closed smile). You too.
Tex: (turns off the alarm for another ten minutes. with a joking tone) Even though it's been 365 days, it only seems like 228.
Me: (with all the happy/amused sarcasm one can muster when just waking up) Aw, that is so sweet.

Both of us fall back into a doze until the alarm blares again. Then the day begins.