Miscommunication

Isn't funny (or maybe tragic) what happens when communication fails? Romeo and Juliet would have been fine if they'd been able to pick up a telephone, or even chosen a reliable messenger.

And it's not just in words where communication fails. Sometimes its in interpretations. For example, I auditioned for a theater workshop last night, 25 people trying for 20 spots. There were worse singers, and certainly better singers than anything I could offer. I got up there, sang okay, not my best because of nerves and exhaustion, and then promptly sat down and hated myself for the rest of the night. While both my friends who auditioned with me, the instructor of the workshop, and her TA complimented me on a job well done, I was/am convinced I'll be one of the first cut. My brain won't communicate with reality. Even as I write this, I'm still convinced of an impending denial/failure. And how long will I beat myself up for that?

I was having a similar issue with my brother the other night, and our conversation has left me feeling frustrated and a little hurt.

It began as part of our normal check up on each other phone calls, and I shared with him a conversation I had with Tex. Last weekend we had talked about the moving in together thing, and Tex honestly shared that he wasn't ready yet, but maybe this summer when he doesn't have two cars for work, and he'd like us to move to an entirely new place somewhere in a different neighborhood. I can understand where Tex is coming from, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, and the thought of moving again--at least right now--is overwhelming. It still feels like I just got into my apartment. He assured me how seriously he was taking our relationship and that he was still as invested in it as I was. Although we didn't reach any solid conclusions or plans, the conversation ended well, and we agreed to talk about it again in the future/near the time that Tex enters grad school.

What I told my brother was that I was a bit bummed by the exchange but ultimately understood. What he told me was several variations of the following: "Well, make sure you don't do XYZ..." "I know how you are, so don't do XYZ..." "If you keep nagging at him, he's going to break up with you..." "I know how you are, so just relax..."

In short, he didn't listen. Or at least it feels that way. He instantly got critical of me and what I could potentially do. Does he think I'm so neurotic or stupid as to ruin a great relationship by hounding Tex to marry me? It felt a lot like he has no idea who I am as a person. What I was looking for was someone who could empathize but then give me a guy's p.o.v., instead I was told that I was ruining my relationship and would soon drive Tex away.

The conversation Tex and I had was a comfortable adult exchange between two people in a relationship. A little couple status check. I have no intention of rushing Tex towards anything, as I'm enjoying the journey as much as he is. It hurts that my brother, whom I love and respect, doesn't believe I'm capable of something like that. Instead he assumes...what? That I'm selfish and neurotic? I don't know.

But who I am right? Being passive aggressive by blogging about it instead of talking with my brother about how I feel. I know he was speaking from a place of love and concern--he knows how invested in my relationship I am and doesn't want to see me hurt. I just wish he'd listened a little more. And how I interpreted what he said amounts to the impact of miscommunication. Or in other words, a mess.

As a communications professional, there are lessons I can learn here.