Bad habits

I'm sure I've posted about it before, but I have a terribly bad habit of swearing...a lot...especially when driving (slightly permissible I suppose), often in front of people I don't know, and sometimes their kids (not too swift). I've become more conscious of this habit as I've gotten older. It's lost its coolness factor, and now just make me sound like an uneducated bar wench.

Don't get me wrong. There are some situations that unequivocally call for swear words to be used, and I'm all for it. I'm just saying that at this point in my life, I have a large enough vocabulary to substitute my expletives for some better choices.

It would seem that my taste for bad words is much similar to that for the bad/wrong men. Much as I suspected, the crush and I had fizzled out. Despite knowing this, I cavalierly asked him to a Sox game and he turned me down (some excuse about having to be at a conference for days on end, lots of work, blah blah blah). The simple truth is this, when a guy, who is a die-hard Red Sox fan, turns down the chance to go to a game for free, he's just not that into you. And if his excuse is real, do you really want to be with a guy like that anyways? I choose life, not work, thanks.

I was talking to a good friend of mine a couple days ago about our abysmal taste in men. Both of us choose older but not wiser, adventurous but not ambitious, artistic wanderers with a dash of sarcasm and nice smiles. Sometimes they have girlfriends but want to have a little fun on the side, sometimes they don't want girlfriends, sometimes it has to be all about them, and sometimes they move out of state. All of those things aren't great for women looking for something and someone better.

And yet, we continue to make unhealthy choices, like junk food we can't turn down or swear words we can't seem to erase from our vocabularies. The worst part may be that we get completely sold on these boys, hook our stars on them and hold on tight until we have no choice but to explode, mourn, and slowly rebuild. I can look a disaster right in the face, and still willingly go into it. What is that about?

I think I'm going to take a hiatus from dating and worrying about boys for a bit. Really feeling over the whole idea right now, and frustrated about the choices I'm making. To stop swearing I need to think about what I say before I speak, so I'm applying that theory to my love life: I need to stop, think, and make better decisions before moving forward. I want the words I say to count, and I want the love I give to matter. It'll just take some time.