Holding my breath

Sometimes when I'm anxious or nervously awaiting something, I breathe shallowly. I wonder why my heart is pounding and why my fingers start to go cold, then focus on the task at hand.

Once that thing is over or at least confidently underway, I find myself gasping for air, like someone who has been underwater too long. It's a relief to draw the great big breaths I had been denying myself for those long minutes/hours.

I'm in the shallow/lite breathing phase of stuff right now.

It's been one week: 5 lessons for the newly (or soon-to-be) engaged

Missing Key West already!

We got our marriage license in the mail yesterday, all officially stamped and everything. And I've also started the name-change process (and likely using MissNowMrs.com).

It's been a busy week of marriage for us. We bought a washer and dryer (thank you Lowes price matching!), started California king bed shopping, and are squirreling money away (while picking a new bank) from our wedding gifts so that we can someday get a house.

In light of everything I learned during the wedding process and this week, I'd like to share some insights for those of you out there who are not yet married or are newly engaged. Not brain surgery, but hopefully still helpful.

1. Let your partner help, even if it's something small. Pat did some stamping on our DIY save-the-dates, a few thank you notes after the showers, organized a couple of our vendors (chairs for the ceremony and transportation), and licked the envelopes for our invitations.
   
   Might not seem like a lot, but it was a huge help. For every small task I delegated to him, he kept me sane in a big way with laughter, jokes, and listening skills. Seriously, even if he or she is clueless about that kind of stuff, let him/her help with something.
   
   
2. When people tell you your wedding day is going to be a blur, you laugh it off...until you struggle to remember the next morning what you ate during the wedding dinner. Get a good photographer, or if you prefer, a good videographer (or both!).
   
   They help you remember or learn the moments you might have otherwise missed (while you're doing the meet n'greet, kissing babies, shaking hands, etc... You get to see the wedding from a guest's perspective too, which is also kind of nice.
   
   
3. It's a big build up that ends somewhat anticlimactically. For all the effort and time you put it (planning, dress shopping, weeping), it's really just a day-long party with friends and family. The next day, the world returns to normal and the person who was your boy/girlfriend is now your husband/wife with new jewelry.
   
   
4. "Husband" "wife" are words that take some getting used to. You still love your partner in the same old, lasting, exciting way, but they (and you) have a shiny new title. It'll be a while before it rolls of your tongue.
   
   
5. TAKE YOUR HONEYMOON RIGHT AFTER THE WEDDING. I'm shouting this because it's essential. I wish we had done it.
   
   Why so caps-lock necessary? Because you will be exhausted. Like bone-achingly, voice-gone, muscles-in-puddles tired. Between balancing the two families, your friends, and all those people in between for a whole weekend, you will need some down-time for just the two of you. Trust.

I may add some new tips as I think of them. I had a few others, but thanks to brain overload, they went the way of the dodo. Sigh.

I guess that's a tip in an of itself, write things down because your head will be so full it will literally stop taking on additional information. For everything you learn, you forget something else. I'll be happy when that phase passes....

Exhausted, elated

As expected (by me, anyway), I'm not all that awesome at the blogging every day thing. Ah well. Changing the parameters of this project a bit to both ease pressure and make it more realistic.

We're back in NC, exhausted, elated, and totally confused about what all happened this weekend. Not confused really, but man, what a blur!

So amazing to see all our friends and family in one place. It really meant a lot to us to have everyone there, and it was wonderful to party all together.

The travel home went smoothly, but with a short delay, we arrived home at midnight and made it to bed by 1 am. Poor Pat has to get up at around 5:30, so I'm sure he is struggling today even more than I am.

My amazing photographer, Hilton Pittman Photography, posted a teaser photo on their blog from our wedding. Check it out if you're into that sort of thing :)

I'll post more thoughts about the weekend later. Now, it's back to work and recovering.

Sample wedding ceremony

I'm married!

It was a beautiful in Key West yesterday, and at roughly 6:30 pm, Pat and I were named husband and wife by my officiant aunt.

The day was all we could have wished for and more, and from everything we heard, our friends and family had a great time too.

Below, I've decided to post our wedding ceremony (minus our vows and names of friends and family members who did the readings and such). 

I thought it only fair since I cobbled the ceremony together from other examples on the Internet, with some creative liberties taken here and there.

We're headed back in NC (read: real life) tomorrow evening. It's certainly been a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

Our wedding ceremony

Please be seated. Welcome to all who traveled from near and far to witness and participate in this wonderful day.

We have been invited here to witness the marriage of Corey and Pat. They met one fateful afternoon in 2005 at the Shanty on the Shore in Burlington, Vermont over coleslaw. After a short summer together, they parted for 2 and a half years until Pat wisely decided to move down to Boston to make sure Corey didn’t get away a moment longer.

Theirs is a pairing that all of us could tell at the outset made sense. Like two puzzle pieces, Corey and Pat were made to be together: soul mates, best friends, and today, husband and wife.

You have come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Corey and Pat to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them.

Reading 1

A poem by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                               
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Reading 2

Love by Roy Croft

I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am when I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what you have made of yourself,

But for what you are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me that you bring out;

I love you

For putting your hand into my heaped-up heart

And passing over all the foolish, weak things

That you can't help Spider's Web Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no one else had looked quite far enough to find

I love you

Because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern but a temple.

Out of the works of my every day

Not a reproach but a song.

I love you

Because you have done more than any creed could have done

To make me good.

And more than any fate  ould have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Vows

Corey and Pat have written their own vows and I ask them to share those with you now.

(to the couple) Remember, no other ties are more tender, no other vows more sacred than those you now assume. If you are able to keep the vows you take here today, not because of any religious or civic law, but out of a desire to love and be loved by another person fully, without limitation, then your life will have joy and the home you establish will be a place in which you both will find the direction of your growth, your freedom, and your responsibility.

Please now say the vows you have written for each other.

(haven't decided to share these yet...)

Exchange of Rings

We ask that you who are present here today, surround this couple in love and support them in their relationship. At times of joy, celebrate with them, nourishing their love for one another, and at times of conflict, offer them the strength of your wisest counsel and the comfort of your thoughtful concern.

The couple will now exchange wedding rings. These rings mark the beginning of a long journey filled with wonder, surprises, laughter, tears, celebration, grief, and most of all, joy. May these rings glow in reflection of the warmth and love that flows through the wearers today.

Pat, as you place this ring on Corey’s finger, repeat after me: I give this ring…. as my gift to you…. Wear it and think of me…. and know that I love you… and will be faithful to you always.

Corey, as you place this ring on Pat’s finger, repeat after me: I give this ring…. as my gift to you…. Wear it and think of me…. and know that I love you… and will be faithful to you always.

As our couple takes a quiet moment to enjoy the commitment they have just made to each other, we’ll have a reading.

Reading 3 

True Love Leaves No Traces by Leonard Cohen

As the mist leaves no scar

On the dark green hill

So my body leaves no scar

On you and never will

Through windows in the dark

The children come, the children go

Like arrows with no targets

Like shackles made of snow

True love leaves no traces

If you and I are one

It's lost in our embraces

Like stars against the sun

As a falling leaf may rest

A moment on the air

So your head upon my breast

So my hand upon your hair

And many nights endure

Without a moon or star

So we will endure

When one is gone and far

True love leaves no traces

If you and I are one

It's lost in our embraces

Like stars against the sun

Pronouncement

Pat and Corey, you have come here today before us and expressed your desire to become husband and wife. You have shown your commitment by joining hands and making vows of love and faithfulness, each to the other, and have sealed these promises by the giving and receiving of the rings.

Therefore, it is my privilege, by the authority granted to me by the state of Florida, to now pronounce you husband and wife.

Pat, you may kiss your bride!

Those first few precious weeks

My cousin started her first year at college a couple weekends ago. Ecstatic to get out of her parents' house, she ran as quickly as she could into her dorm room (a 6 person suite, I think, with 2-to-a-room, much like I had my senior year) only about 25 miles from the homestead.

Her first weeks have been full of ups and downs. Up because the cafeteria had cinnamon rolls or because she was rocking out with her direct roommate. Down because the 4 other girls in her room don't live up to her strict, straight-edge standards of behavior and make fun of her when she's playing her guitar (when one of them punches a hole in the wall and then denies it, let's talk...).

The reason I know so much about her actions and thoughts during these formative days is Twitter. She's pretty active on there, has been for some time and with little or no censor. The girl's got something to say or share, and she's doing it without hesitation, much like many of her peers.

I admire this about her, but she takes to it most often at her angriest moments. I'm left then with an incomplete picture of a her (a permanent one--the picture, not my impression I mean--thanks to the nature of the Internet).

I guess that's the pitfall of most social media, even blogging. Although I deleted my Myspace profile (and the painfully awkward blog posts I used to put up there), it could probably be fished out of the ether by a skilled searcher. That's one angst-filled picture I'd be happy to leave behind. And this blog has seen more than a few tear-filled screes.

Or there are simply glaring omissions, tales I've chosen not to tell to protect the people involved or myself. Not sure I want the whole picture to be out there yet, but if I'm going to live up to the task I've set for myself (blogging every day for the first year of marriage...feel free to take bets on how long this lasts--the blogging, not the marriage I mean), I'd better adjust my attitude.

You can't tell a story without honesty.

So here's a quick catch up on my first few weeks in North Carolina. The move was a seriously long experience, spanning from about 2 am until we finally collapsed in bed at 8:30 or so. 14 hours on the road, two mewling cats, too much caffeine, and a lot of sweat. But we made it safely and everything went smoothly, so there's that.

Over that weekend while Pat was bachelor-partying it up, I unpacked every box. Although I couldn't get everything put away, it was still nice to get the cardboard out of sight. That week saw my and Pat's first week of work. It was an exhausting and exhilarating week.

Work continues to be an awesome challenge (just got back from a meeting now, and the huge quicksand pile of problems that I need to sort through is both interesting and totally overwhelming). I'm working harder than I ever have in my entire life, but it's all stuff I want to do--a huge change over every other job I've had.

We still have a bunch of the small-detail wedding stuff to do, which stresses me out, but ultimately is not a game-changer if it doesn't get done. As long as I pay our vendors, the day will go as planned... note to self, do that tonight.

I'm scared, stressed, happy, nervous, crazy, and content. All at once, and all over the map in these first few precious weeks. Good times, great learning experience.

Meet Caesar the cat

An omage to Icanhazcheezburger (which is hilarious and contains a number of sister sites I also enjoy).

I can haz belly rubz?

Moving, car time, new job

About a third of the way through the busy month of moving stuff, wedding stuff, and new job stuff.

This past weekend, Pat and I drove down to North Carolina (stopping in Richmond for the first night) to hunt for a place to live. After viewing roughly 10 places over 3 days (one even included dead cockroaches!), we found a great, clean, remodeled, 2-bed duplex home to rent in the artsy town of Carrboro. I'll only have a 15 minute drive to work, and it is within walking distance of a lot of neat stuff. Includes 2 parking spaces and tons of storage space.

And as an added plus, we'll be paying almost half of what we currently pay for our 1-bed apartment in Somerville. Love it.

While we were down there, I went into my new office for a couple of hours to say hi and have a couple of meetings. When I think of everything I have to get done and what they expect of me, I want to puke and scream at the same time. It's awesome and scary.

Since getting back to town (after stopping in Baltimore for a night), I've been working for my new company remotely, doing a ton of research and tomorrow is basically all phone calls. While it's nice to be at home with Pat and get work done, I'll be glad to start going into the office in mid-August. It makes it more real somehow when you're made to go in and chill in a cube for 8+ hours a day.

The happiest bit of news from the weekend was that Pat was offered the teaching job he was interviewing for. We're still waiting for the paperwork from the school system, but it should pretty much be a done deal. He's really stoked to be getting back into the classroom, albeit a middle school one (his students will be 8th graders, social studies), and is already planning on coaching lacrosse at the high school across the street.

Very thankful for the good luck that came our way.

This weekend is my first bridal shower, hosted by my matron-of-honor sister-in-law and my wonderful aunt (who will be our wedding officiant). We're driving back down to Baltimore Friday evening, picking up my friend Lori on the way. She and I, and my friend Steph (aka ninja bridesmaid) went to UVM together for grad school. This will be the first weekend we've all hung out since the summer after we graduated! So nuts, so excited.

And I get to see my niece, who is the most awesome little girl on the planet, for reals. She has 2 teeth now; crawls around like a speeding race car; and happily chatters away in nonsense, French, and a few English words. We get to celebrate her first birthday while we're down there, which is really rad.

Happy times right now, busy, but definitely good!